Unread Messages
by xxsparklesnick
Summary: Sequel to You Got Love! If Isabella Swan thought last year was crazy, she's about to be surprised. With Alice's baby on the way, a wayward best friend, visiting cousins and a boyfriend who seems determined to get a ring on her finger, what's a girl to do?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Twilight and all of the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, not to me. Unfortunately. :)

A/N: Anddd, the long awaited sequel of You Got Love!

Alright, so it's not exactly long awaited, but yes, it is a sequel. Okay, so this isn't a first chapter, but it's a prologue-ish thing. And me and my brother finally came up with a title, which is what you see up there, Unread Messages. :P Haha, I told you we were trying to go through something like that. I think it's cute, and it's going to be fitting to the story. :)

Anywayy, this chapter is like the intro. It kind of gets you up to speed, because I know I promise you an epilogue to YGL!, and this is what you got instead. Okay, as for where the first chapter picks up, I'm not telling, you'll just have to guess. ;)

Now, I'm just going to tell you that this is at least a few months after YGL! left of, so keep that in mind when you read this.

Now, go on my friends, go on. ;)

* * *

To: Playingthekeys

From: Ringingbells

Subject: God, I already miss you.

**Edward,**

**Things here are pretty good, thanks for asking. Alice is getting bigger and bigger, and of course she made buying maternity clothes some big deal, like it was the most important part. Carlisle is taking care of her personally, so I doubt there's any way this baby won't be absolutely fine. So far, so good. **

**School's starting back up over here, and I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this year with all that's going on. Jake and Leah sent me pictures from the wedding yesterday - I'll send you some over. **

**In other news, the Terrible Twosome Twins strike again! Vicki and James are coming to visit soon, along with your cousin Emmett! I missed him, so it's amazing that he's coming over. I think he's staying the year to help out with the baby and smoothing things out, etc.**

**Plus, Aunt Irina and Uncle Laurent seem to have trouble settling down. Charlie says they're going through a rough patch, and how long Victoria and James stay this time is undecided so far. I'm betting on at least a couple months, but I guess it's not so bad. I hope they like me just as much even when you're not here.**

**As for Jasper, he's not sure how to react. Maria is so angry. I think the whole town heard when she had her freak out, and of course that directly affected Alice. I think Jasper is trying to figure things out, but news is that he's finally breaking things off with Maria, as he should. He needs to figure things out, because Alice wants this baby to have a father, and there's a lot of growing up that needs to happen - unfortunately, on both sides.**

**As for baby names, she has no clue. I think it's time to crack open the baby books.**

**How are you, though? How's Dartmouth? Are you settling in alright?**

**I miss you. **

To: Ringingbells

From: Playingthekeys

Subject: No Subject

**Isabella Marie Swan, will you marry me?**

* * *

A/N: Oh, yeah, it's short. Done on purpose, though.

And, that last line was supposed to be set up to leave you hanging. :P Now, what's going through Edward's mind or anything like that is something you'll have to wait for, plus Bella's reaction. And a lot of people asked me what happened to Jasper and Alice, and their relationship is a biiig part of the sequel, so don't worry.

And, you know I just couldn't leave the Triple T twins out of the story, could I? I love them waaay too much.

OHHH. And in your reviews, I'd love you forever if you give me a suggestion for Alice's baby's name, and why you like the name. Maybe one for both genders, because I am at a complete loss. I know the baby's gender, just not what to name it. :P

Right, and in case you were wondering, Edward is off to college (haha, Dartmouth, I'm a smartie), and Bella is on her senior year of high school. Alice dropped out because of the baby (that's touched on later, the why's and when's). OKAY, so now we're setting this up for a story!

:) Now, review for me, so that I can continue for you guys.

I have plenty of ideas for this sequel, and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as you enjoyed You Got Love!

...I love you.

So much.

More than chocolate.

...Please review.

I get better and better every day. ;)

Filling YOUR Inbox,

Nicky xo


	2. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. :)

A/N: Oh. My. Twilight. :P

I didn't expect so much attention for the freakin PROLOGUE. Do you know how happy that made me when I checked my email and saw your response? I thought I might have lost some of you with the last chapter, and a lot of you were wondering just how many months were in between YGL! and now UM...haha, UM. I like that one. xD But, back to the subject, I'm going to go ahead and answer all of it.

It's been at least five months since YGL!, guys. Alice is far along in the pregnancy, but if I get any of the information wrong, please don't hurt me for it. I'm doing my absolute best to research for this, but you know, it's a story and I have to find a flexible date for progression, and I did my best. :) I'm trying to make this as realistic as I possibly can, though, so if I get anything horribly wrong, go ahead and correct me!

That goes for anything in the story, by the way.

Another question - why did Edward propose over email? I know. Not romantic, not at all, I didn't think it was, and it wasn't supposed to be. :P So I got a lot of: what is Edward thinking?! And someone accused me of being overly OOC, and guys, chill. I meant to put what Edward is thinking in this chapter, but it's not here, just what Bella is thinking. I'm trying to decide whether or not the next chapter should be from EPOV, and then pick up from BPOV. I don't know. I'm thinking I will, because there is a lot to this story, there's a lot of different things going on at once, unlike the beginning of YGL!

I think I made the right decision to make a sequel. :PP Hope that answered some questions, too.

Oh, and just a little tidbit...

I'm thinking of starting every chapter with an email. It kind of keeps the old flavor from YGL!, I thought it was a kind of cute idea. xD

* * *

To: Playingthekeys

From: Ringingbells

Subject: RE: No Subject

**Edward, it's not a no, I just don't**

Delete.

**I just want to think**

Delete.

**It's not like I don't want to, it's just that**

Delete.

**It was out of nowhere, and I don't know how to react**

Delete.

**Look, if you give me some time**

Delete.

**I want to say yes, but I don't think that**

Delete. With a sigh, I clicked out of the window, shaking my head.

The phone rang off the hook again, the high ringing shrill and annoying. I sighed, knowing immediately who it was and why exactly I couldn't answer it, at least not yet. I couldn't think about how worried - and most probably angry - Edward was that I was completely ignoring his phone calls and that I hadn't answered his email, but I couldn't bring myself to do so when I knew what the subject would most likely be.

It wasn't like I was so against the idea of marrying him, it was just the time period and the fact it was so abrupt. The timing was all wrong, and I honestly hadn't thought he'd been thinking about marrying me until at least after college - when we both graduated, me a year after him. Everything right now was out of control and hectic, and how we'd fit a _wedding_ into all of this I still didn't know or want to think about.

There was also the fact that my parents would never agree to this and would most definitely never accept it. Charlie and Renee had married very young and had me before they were ready. They had never regretted having me, but it was still a fact that bothered them, that they could not give me the life they felt I deserved. They had separated shortly after my birth, and ever since I was a young child it had been drilled into my head that marriage was something that had to be heavily thought out and planned.

I didn't have time to heavily think this out and plan, and neither did he. Plus, according to Renee, it was not acceptable to get married until you had at least finished college - dropping out for a man was something that she would not let me do, and I didn't want that, either. I was pretty sure Edward wasn't asking me to do that, either, and somehow felt we could fit a wedding into college, everything going on with Alice's baby, and plenty more drama that was sure to follow us wherever we went.

Or, of course, I could be blowing this way out of proportion. I was sure that Edward wouldn't ask me to marry him so abruptly - over an email, no less - if he hadn't thought it through first, and I'm sure he didn't mean right away. I was also sure that I needed to get over my fears and talk to him, because I most definitely was not being fair to him.

"Bella!" Alice's voice called for me from my doorway, like a thousand little bells ringing all at the same time. She sounded excited, and I smiled, getting to my feet from where I sat at my computer chair and making my way down the stairs towards her. Her face was broken out in a huge grin, and she quickly grabbed me and squeezed me when she could, shaking her head.

"Guess what?" she quickly fired off when she released me, shaking her head. I opened my mouth to humor her, but held up a finger, impatient - I had to fight off a giggle. "Carlisle knows the gender of the baby! Or, at least he thinks he knows." I grinned back at her, nodding.

"Is it a boy or girl?"

"I don't know!" she exclaimed, grinning wider as she did. "I told him I didn't want to know, and Jasper doesn't want to know, either. I think it's a girl, though." She took my hand, gently setting it against her bulging stomach, her smile becoming gentle and careful - it was time like these it was easier to imagine my energetic, out of control Alice as a mother, though it was still extremely hard to picture.

I waited, trying to figure out what she was trying to prove when the baby gently kicked, something faint and hard to feel unless you knew what you were waiting for. I hardly felt it, but Alice seemed to be sure that it was the baby moving around, and she was quite happy about that. I smiled, and Alice smiled, too, hers full of pride and love. "Only girls kick like that, Bella. It's definitely a girl." I laughed quietly, rolling my eyes at her logic and about open my mouth when two very energetic twins bounded towards us, reaching for Alice.

In Edward's absence, Alice had quickly become James' and Victoria's new favorite. Alice had already declared that I was the baby's aunt, and though they were not directly related to the baby at all, the twins had been deeply fascinated by the growing bump in Alice's stomach, often asking questions about he or she. I found it adorable, and they seemed to love Alice in every way, often asking where she was when she was not around me.

That, I realized, could be my fault. There had been little a time in the past months when I had not been without Alice.

"Alice!" they both called simultaneously, racing to her side and reaching out to hug her. Alice giggled, extending her arms and hugging them carefully, shaking her head, her black spikes flying. While this happened, the twins began to fire off a million questions - was the baby okay, had she thought up any names, a bunch of things at once which I struggled to answer.

Sometime when all of this was happening, my cell phone began to ring, and I groaned when I read who was calling. Alice looked over my shoulder curiously, raising an eyebrow. "It's Edward," she pointed out, obviously bewildered, and I simply nodded my head. Her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, but she simply shook her head, sighing. She knew I would tell her when I wanted to.

The twins pulled Alice into the other room, explaining quickly that they needed to show her their new game that Uncle Charlie had bought them, and I smiled to myself, sighing as I looked down at my phone. I knew I had to talk to him sometime, and the phone started ringing as if on cue. With a sigh, I brought it to my ear, not even bothering to look to see if it really was him.

"Hi, Edward. Look, I'm really sorry for not answering your calls, I was just busy," I quickly stuttered out, trying to speak faster than he could reply - he usually he a good idea of when I was lying or not. "I know that I should have called you sooner but -"

"Bella, it's not Edward, it's Jasper," came another voice than the one I was expecting, and I bit down on my bottom lip, instantly chagrined. I sighed, trying to compose myself, before speaking back into the phone.

"Oh. Hey, Jasper," I muttered, still embarrassed. "Sorry, I didn't check the number. What's up?"

There was a sigh on the other line of the phone, and then finally Jasper spoke again. "Do you think you could meet me in Seattle sometime this week? I know it's asking a lot, but I would really appreciate it."

I blinked, wondering why he wanted to meet me, but nodding to myself anyway, before I realized he couldn't see me over the phone. "Uhm, sure, I guess, Jasper. Why am I meeting you though?"

He chuckled, and I could practically feel him smiling on the other side. "I think it's better if I tell you if you get here. How about Friday, after school? I think Alice has a doctor appointment then, too."

"Oh, without Alice?" What was he hiding from her? Immediately, my suspicion and curiosity flared.

"Yes, without Alice. Don't worry, I just want it to be a surprise. I'll call you later, Bella, to confirm the date and time."

I stared at the phone, with he had obviously hung up without saying goodbye. He sounded nervous about something, and I felt my eyebrow raise despite myself, shaking my head. What did he mean by a surprise? Why did he want to meet me in Seattle, why couldn't he just tell me what he was planning over the phone? Sighing, I turned to see Alice standing in the doorway to the living room, a smile on her lips.

"Was that Edward?" she asked, pleased with the idea that I had spoken to him, and I simply nodded, feeling a bit guilty about it. I really did need to talk to Edward, after all. How would I say what I wanted to say, though? I decided I'd just have to do it later, even though I knew I shouldn't put it off any longer.

Alice led me into the living room, smiling as I took a seat on the couch, watching the twins play some video game on the TV, and then she turned to me. "What's up with you and Edward? I mean, he's been calling and you haven't been answering." She bit on her lip, obviously wondering if I wanted to tell her or not. "I'm just wondering. Did you get into a fight?"

I sighed, shaking my head. I knew I should tell her what had really happened between us, but if I was confused about it, I didn't want to bring her down with me. God knew Alice had enough that she had to go through now. Still, she seemed shockingly better than she was just a few months ago, when I had found her in the run down apartment, broken and lost.

* * *

When I was sure both of the twins were sleeping, I made my way towards my old, ancient computer, booting it up and waiting for it to hum to life - or, wheeze, was probably the better definition.

To: Playingthekeys

From: Ringingbells

Subject: RE: No Subject

**Edward,**

**I just need time to think.**

**It's not a no, it's just a 'not now'. There's a lot to consider, you know? My parents, Alice, school, everything. I promise it's not a no, though, so please don't take it that way. **

**I'm sorry for not answering your phone calls, or replying quicker, I was just surprised. I didn't expect you to propose like that, or to even propose at all…**

**I love you, but I'm sure you already know that.**

* * *

A/N: There you go. I know, it was short, and I know, it was a bit rushed, but I had to get it into full swing there, and there was a lot that I needed to get into one chapter - I cut a lot of it out, and now it's in a later chapter. :P Haha. Even author strikes again! Didn't you guys miss me? ;)

:) I'm sorry for the crappy chapter. I'm so disappointing.

So, there's Bella's answer. It's a yes-no kinda thing, and don't worry, because those who wouldn't one of those super-romantic proposals, well, you might still get it, ya know? ;DD Don't worry. The email proposal fit into the story, as a lot of people mentioned, but it's not finalized or anything. A lot of people were really iffy about that, and I just wanted you to give Eddie a chance, here. :P C'mon, he's still Edward.

Okay, as for baby names for Alice's baby, I've been playing around for a few things, and thanks so much for all of your suggestions! I think I have my name, btw, but go ahead and keep suggesting. :)

Oh, and Jasper asking Bella to Seattle...what does he want, why doesn't he want Alice involved? I thought it was pretty obvious, but you might not think so. ;)

Oh, and yeah, this is the second update today, but it's the first chapter technically, and I already had it written. XD Okay, just want you guys to know, this makes THREE updates (one for AYCDICDB) in one day.

It wasn't written in one day, not at all, but STILL. That's pretty crazy. Do you luuurve me yet? :P You better.

...Well, I guess I gotta get back to an updating pattern, huh? Not cool, dudes. By the way, "dramallamaobama", much? I've been waiting for the sequel to say that, guys. ;)

I'm on a roll. ;)

Make sure to review. :) It makes me smile.

Which makes you smile when you get more updates.

Which makes everyone happy, because happiness is contagious.

So in the end, you're making the world a better place by reviewing.

Cheer someone up. Review.

Haha. See, when I put it like that, how can you resist? ;P

XO,

Nicky


	3. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: Nope, I am not Stephenie Meyer, and I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

A/N: Okay, so a couple points to get through in this inevitably rambling author's note. :P

One, I am SO, SO, SO, SO sorry for the delay on the update, and there won't ever be a time when you'll have to wait this long again, I promise! Seriously, pinky promise, guys, I will not make you wait this long for an update for this story. Would you believe me if I said I had horrible writer's block for this story and that I've been crazy busy lately?

But it's all over now, and I've gotten back into writing this story, so don't worry, it's all good now. :) I promise I have not abandoned this story, and so if you're a fan, don't worry! It's funny to think I have any fans at all, but that brings me to the next part of this note...xD

OH. MY. CULLEN.

I got HOW many reviews for TWO chapters?! /spazzes

That would be my initial reaction to your response to the last chapter. Wow, guys. You amaze me.

Have I told you lately that I love you? :P

Yeah, well, you've got my love back times a thousand. I only hope you continue to read and review, and your support and love is ah-freakin-mazing.

Now go on and read the chapter. ;) I won't keep you any longer.

* * *

A sigh managed to escape my lips as I checked my email for what had to be the millionth time in the last hour. The twins kept coming up and wondering what I was doing, and I supposed I was being a bit obsessive. It honestly had not been that long since I sent Edward my last email, but it didn't seem right that he hadn't answered yet – we usually send each other things back as soon as we possibly could, and this just didn't make any sense. Had I hurt him?

I bit my lip as I considered it, trying to understand this situation at all. Edward was always over thinking things, and it didn't make sense at all that he proposed so randomly, at least not from my point of view. If he was absolutely serious about this – enough to be hurt when I did not immediately accept – I knew there had to be something wrong. It bothered me that I could not ask him right away, because he was miles and miles away from me at the moment.

In just hours I had to meet Jasper in Seattle, and though I was beyond curious to find out what he wanted – what he couldn't tell Alice, at least not right away, but had to ask me for – I wasn't sure if I could keep my mind on it. After all, Edward and I had been open with each other after we started a steady relationship, and it didn't make any sense to me that he wasn't responding. He had always been considerate of me, sometimes overly considerate, after our biggest – and really only – fight.

This didn't make sense.

With an exasperated sigh I grabbed my phone from the pocket of my jeans, leaning back in the computer chair as I leaned back, trying to get myself to find a reasonable solution to this, besides Edward ignoring me.

He could be too busy with classes and papers.

Not likely, not with Edward. He always on top of things, it seemed.

He could just not have read the email.

Not likely, either. He would have wanted to check after the last email he sent…

He might not have truly meant to propose to me. It could have been a joke. After all, it had been so abrupt and out of nowhere, not anything like I had expected; though, I had not been expecting this at all, at least not until a couple years down the road. It wasn't like I didn't want it, because I did, but not now, not while everything was crazy and I couldn't focus on it. I did love him, but I need time, and I think he needs it too, even if he might not think he does.

I rolled my eyes as the phone continued ringing on the other line, shaking my head to myself. If this was his idea of a joke, it certainly wasn't funny, and it just didn't seem like him either, at least not like I was used to.

"_Hello, you've reached Edward Cullen's cell phone. I can't pick up the phone right now, so just leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!"_

I scowled at the cheery, familiar velvet voice sighing into the phone as it signaled for me to leave a message. What did I say? I had sent the email and had not attempted to call him after that. What was there to say? I didn't even know what I wanted to say, at least not in a voicemail. I needed to talk to him in person, and I couldn't say what I needed to over the phone.

He needed to be _here._

"Hey, Edward," I sighed into my cell, tapping my fingers against the chair. "I just…we need to talk, alright? Just, please, call me back as soon as you can. It's important, and I might be paranoid, but I think we're avoiding each other, and that's not the right thing to do." I tried not to roll my eyes at how pathetic I sounded, like I was pleading with him, but it had come to that point. "Alright, well, call me. Bye."

* * *

"Bella, you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

It was almost amusing how anxious he was, though it made me ten times more curious. I had never seen Jasper Hale more nervous than this, because usually he was the one who always seemed so calm and collected, even in the worst of situations. When he found out about the baby it seemed like he had been the only one who wasn't a mess, the only one who still wasn't a mess. Although Alice tried her best to hide it, we all knew she was breaking down, slowly but surely. She didn't know how to be a mother; she was too young to be a mother.

Alice had so much potential. It wasn't fair that she had to deal with this, though I knew somehow she didn't regret it, in a way that I didn't understand. One bad decision truly can change everything, and I thought about it, mulling it over in my head as Jasper lead me through the crowded streets of Seattle, my mind wandering. What would have happened if Alice hadn't gotten pregnant? Where would we all be now?

I suppose it didn't matter. Alice had gotten pregnant, and here I was, with Jasper, who looked like he was about to break down himself, he was nearly shaking. He gave me nervous little glances and small half smiles every once and a while, and I always had to restrain myself from screaming at him to tell me where the hell we were going.

"I do want to, Jasper," I answered simply, shrugging my shoulders. "I just wish I knew we were going," I added as an afterthought, more of a grumble.

He laughed quietly, though it had a nervous ring to it, making his usual baritone, melodious laugh sound shaky and out of tune, something unusually out of character for him. With one more glance, he pulled me into a store, taking a breath. He stopped about two feet in, turning to look at me, and I realized he was gauging my reaction.

Jeez, you'd think he'd just confessed a murder or was asking me to rob a bank with him. He really, really needed to calm down, before he passed out and I had to drag him back to Alice and explain he had a nervous break down.

That's when I realized where we were.

My lips curled up into a surprised smile as I realized we were in a jewelry store, even though I did not know the real meaning for being here, I think I had my ideas. My mind wandered back to his words, and I remembered him telling me, making me swear actually, not to tell a soul about this, especially not Alice. I remembered he had planned it just perfectly so we could go when Alice had her doctor's appointment, and I supposed I now knew why.

"Oh, Jasper," I murmured, a bright smile on my lips now as I stepped in, ignoring the cheery sales lady who was coming closer to us, my gaze lingering back to Jasper, who looked relieved now – had he expected me to not approve? "Is this for Alice?"

Jasper looked away, and I tried to file through my thoughts, wondering what had gotten this kind of reaction from him. Why did he seem so ashamed about this, so nervous? Alice obviously loved him, and I figured it was time for them, while it might not be time for others. They needed this now, they needed to be together. They weren't in high school anymore, it wasn't some stupid fling based entirely on he-said-she-said, and this was the real thing. They were having a child, a child that deserved both a mother and a father.

This was the real world now. We were playing with the big kids.

"I wasn't sure how everyone would react about this, because of Alice's pregnancy," he admitted, shaking his head. "I know I was with another girl before Alice, and I know that Maria and I were serious for about two years, and I know how that might seem to you, or anyone else." I knew the whole story, and I opened my mouth to remind him, but he shook his head, silencing me.

"I loved Maria, but not like I love Alice, Bella. Not even half of what I feel for Alice. Alice has made me feel like no one has ever made me feel before. My whole life I've been searching for someone who loves me like Alice does, and I found her, I found Alice. I swear she's the girl for me, the only girl for me. You know all that crap people say about soul mates, and how you know when you've found them? How when you're in a room that they're in, they're the only ones you see?"

I nodded numbly. I had never heard Jasper speak so fast, speak so low, speak so passionately.

It was in that moment I realized just how much he loved Alice.

I realized just how much they deserved just a little bit of happily ever after in the hell that was now surrounding them.

"Well, it's like that with Alice. When she's in the room, she's the only one I see, even if it's filled with a thousand shouting people. She's like this little light in my life, and I was so sure I could live without her, but I can't. I know you might think I only came back for the baby, but that's not the truth, it really isn't. I would have come back anyway. I could never marry Maria, not knowing that the one I really should be wearing – this amazing, pixie-like girl with this incredibly messy, spiky black hair – was right around the corner."

I think my jaw dropped, and I just couldn't speak.

"I love her, Bella. I want to marry her." He took a deep breath, shifting his weight from foot to foot, and I wondered how he could ever think I wouldn't react well after he had said _that_. My smile crept up my lips again, and I fought the urge to laugh, but not because this was funny, because it wasn't in the least.

"Are you asking for my permission to marry Alice?" I teased, trying to find a grin through my shock, even though I wondered if I should be shocked at all. Even though originally I had felt nothing but aggravation towards Alice, once I saw how supportive he was, how loving and gentle and protective he was of Alice, I just couldn't hate him anymore. Even though they both made terrible mistakes, he truly did love her, and I wondered if that was enough.

"Essentially, yes," he admitted, laughing nervously again, and I offered him a smile again, laughing myself.

"Then you have my permission, though I really do think it's up to Alice." I grinned, and he did, too, shrugging as if that was a smaller feat after he got _my_ yes, which seemed absolutely ridiculous to me. "Now let's get ring shopping, shall we?"

Even though they were now going to have to face problems and obstacles together, they were doing it to together, not as two different people, but as one. They were going to do this as a couple, and they were going to raise their baby together, if all things went well, which I genuinely hoped they would – though something nagging told me it wouldn't be that easy.

I knew it shouldn't, but it made me depressed.

What about Edward and me? Where did we stand now, and what was next for us? We had gone through so much, and it was it going to come to a halt? We were both so young, and I wasn't sure I was ready for marriage, at least not now. I couldn't even tell, I didn't really want to think about. That seemed like a huge leap for me, and I had always wanted to take baby steps –

But what about Edward, how did he feel about all of this? Was he serious, was he angry, was he kidding, was he upset?

It hurt that I didn't know what he was thinking, that we both felt we had to avoid each other rather than talk it out and come to a conclusion. It just didn't seem right.

I fought away any thoughts of Edward as we began scanning the shelves, Jasper in a heated discussion with the sales woman. I smiled at his excitement, and how quickly it had replaced the nervous tension that he had been emitting the whole car ride up and the walk to the jewelry store – I figured he might have been talking himself through what he was going to say to me the whole ride up.

"Bella."

I turned to the sound of his voice, nodding my head and snapping out of my reverie to be faced with the happiest I had ever seen Jasper, the least indifferent. There was a wide smile spreading across his lips as he held out his hand where a velvet box laid on his palm. I breathed in a gasp as I stared in awe at the beautiful engagement ring, my head shaking.

It was just so _Alice._

"Do you think she'll like it? The sales woman did mention that it was a bit expensive, but my father gave me money for this, so it's not that big of an issue. I just want something perfect for her, and I know that you know her better than almost anyone so I figured that if…"

Jasper Hale rambled.

Who would've known?

"It's perfect, Jasper."

His smile grew again, and he closed the box, enclosing it in his fingers.

"You're sure?"

I nodded simply. "She'll love it."

* * *

I stepped out of Jasper's car, since he had insisted that he drive me home, a bright smile still adorning my lips. The whole ride home we had been talking about plans for the future and how he planned to get a job at his father's company to help pay for a home for a baby, how he knew that he needed to work and how he wasn't sure how he was going to fit school into this, he talked about houses he might look into buying, he talked about baby names and how he and Alice had been thinking about things together –

I tried not to be depressed, because unlike them, my future was undecided. I didn't really know what I wanted, or where I was headed. My feet sloshed slightly as I walked through a puddle, and the soft drizzle dampened my hair, flattening it in front of my eyes. I would have missed it if I hadn't been checking to see if Charlie was home, but there it was.

A silver Volvo, parked in my father's driveway.

More importantly, the boy who was currently leaning in front of it, his reddish-brown hair soaked and the wet strands falling into his gorgeous emerald eyes.

I knew we had a lot to talk about, I knew there was a lot to discuss, I knew that he had to go back very soon, I knew he had work to do, I knew there was a reason for him being here, I knew there was a concerned, almost nervous little frown curling down his full lips, but I couldn't bother with those small details.

I wanted to think about all of that, I wanted to approach him calmly and I wanted to talk about everything, I needed to know, after all, but just couldn't.

Because the moment I saw him the only thing I could think of was, _Edward. _

Because Edward was _here_, and for the moment, that was enough.

My feet moved as fast as I could possibly move them and without thinking at all, I flung myself into him, knocking us both into the car. I had expected him to take this badly considering I had been certain that he was upset with me, but that wasn't the case, it wasn't the case at all. Instead, he picked me up and spun me around in circles, around and around in the rain, and a lighthearted giggle escaped my lips despite myself.

"I missed you," his velvet voice whispered in my ear, sending chills up and down my spine, and I knew we had things to talk about, and I knew we had issues, and I knew that there were other things to worry about and we were both getting soaked –

But the only thing I could think at that moment was _Edward's here._

* * *

A/N: Okay, so a lot of stuff about this chapter, huh? There was more but I totally cut it out, because I like to make you squirm and leave it at a kinda-cliffie. :) I'm just so evil like that, but from reading YGL!'s chapter endings, what did you expect? Haven't gotten anymore merciful.

So, Edward is back?! How long? What's he gotta say? What's he think? Why did he decide to come to her house instead of just sending back an email? Ideas, comments, guesses? :)

AND, Jasper. I happened to lovelovelove Jasper in this chapter, but what about you? :P

You know I'm a feedback whore, so you might as well just give me what I want to shut me up, huh?

Oh, right.

If I ever write 'she' instead of 'I', please point out the sentence so I can fix it. :P

That shows how crappy I am at transitioning from AYCDICDB and Unread Messages. /nod

Pretty bad. Either way, leave me your comments.

I love you all sooo much, and I can't thank you enough. :) You really are amazing, each and every one of you.

XOXO,

Nicky :)


	4. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, it belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

A/N: So, as always, you guys are absolutly freakin ah-maz-ing, and I fail so badly, because I made you wait AGAIN for an update, but this time I have an excuse. :P Ever have a story and you know exactly what you want to write, but can never get it out? you spend hours trying to write one chapter and it won't flow, or it won't work, so you write it again?

Chapter Three is a major pain in the ass, but finally it is finished and done, and I really, seriously hope you won't hate me and that it's at least partially worth the wait. ;)

Basically, thank you times a million for EVERY SINGLE ONE of your reviews (which is like a bajillion, by the way, at least for me) .

I am convinced I have the best fans ever. :) Edward ice cream for alllll!

Just read, and ignore my tired rambling, please. :P

Chapter THREEEEE. That's totally my lucky number, so this should be a lucky chapter!

Right? Am I right?

* * *

His lips pressed against mine with an urgency I didn't understand as we stood in the now pouring rain, and this was nothing like I had expected. He had spun us around in circles again until we were both dizzy, and then he had grabbed me and his full lips had pressed against mine, something more intense than any kiss he had given me before.

His hands were all over me, my face, my hair, my back, and my arms, anywhere he could touch, while mine stayed rooted into his thick, soft bronze hair, trying to regain my composure. He never stopped kissing me though, kissing me with something like desperation, like he was seeing me for the last time.

"Edward," I whispered, pulling away from his lips with a gasp. His name came out breathless and almost like a prayer, and he gave me a crooked smile, one he knew I loved. His arms held me steady and in place, and while I caught my breath he simply moved onto my neck, planting light butterfly kisses all over and igniting my skin into flames.

Where was this coming from? I had expected him to be angry when I saw him in my driveway, maybe even to push me away, but nothing like this was expected. I didn't think he would miss me nearly as much as I missed him, because surely he had other things to focus on – though, so did I, I guess – there was Dartmouth, and all of his new college friends. How could he possibly be thinking about his high school senior girlfriend back at home in rainy, small-town Forks?

"It's raining," I whispered as his lips found my jaw, trailing a line to my ear and nibbling softly as he went, sending chills up my spine.

"So?"

"So we're getting wet," I pointed out quietly, biting on my lip as he kissed the sensitive area he knew was right behind my ear, trailing back down to my neck.

"Don't care."

"Alice will be getting back from her doctor's appointment soon, she might see us."

"Really don't care. I'm sure my pregnant eighteen year old sister can take the heat of us kissing, Bella," he teased gently, though I saw a flicker of something like pain in his eyes at the mention of Alice's pregnancy, and wanted to change the subject as quick as I could – fortunately, he took the liberty of doing that himself. "There's nothing that can stop me from loving you right now, absolutely nothing."

It sounded like a challenge, so I grinned and stepped back a bit; he only allowed me a few inches, keeping me securely in his muscular hold.

"The twins."

"Avoidable."

"Charlie?"

"Also avoidable."

"Thunder and lightening, as the weather forecast recently predicted."

"Adds romance and danger, haven't you ever heard of kissing in the middle of a thunderstorm? Besides, if it gets bad enough, we could always relocate."

"I'm running out of excuses here," I admitted as he pulled me closer to his body, sighing in mock exasperation. If I was being completely honest, I'd do anything to prolong this moment, afraid somehow it wouldn't last. Some parts of him didn't even seem real to me – like I was seeing mirage and any moment he could just disappear and I'd fall flat on my face.

I truly did miss him, much more than I should. Even in the midst of Alice's pregnancy, the twins, Emmett's awaited arrival, and everything else that was going on in my life, he was still in the back of my mind always. The problem was he wasn't in my life enough anymore, and I wished that I could change that, but it wasn't possible at the moment.

"Then stop making excuses and enjoy it, please," he teased, but his emerald eyes weren't teasing, they were serious, they were intense. They burned and smoldered, almost as if they were seeing right through me, almost as if –

Almost as if they were _pleading._ I melted into his kisses, pushing him as close to me as possible as my fingers wove into his hair and a violent shock of fear found its way to my heart.

Even if I was just saying hello, I felt like I was saying goodbye already, and it burned inside of me, making me sick to my stomach.

* * *

Our bodies were entwined on the couch, he lying down with me pulled tightly to his chest as we watched a movie, though I wasn't even sure what movie it was, or even what it was about. I couldn't think when I had other more important thoughts on my mind, kike Edward and I and what would happen. My mind drifted back to the look in Jasper's eyes as he declared his plans for Alice and him, and it made the sick feeling come back full force, like I had a stomach virus that was just settling in and making me violently ill.

"Bella," Edward whispered into my ear, his hand squeezing my leg gently, almost as if reassuring me. "Can we talk for a moment?" He reached out onto the coffee table, bringing us both up as he paused the movie.

I knew this had been coming, and I had been waiting for this all night. My stomach twisted uncomfortably as I nodded and he set me beside him on the couch where he could see my face. I had managed to convince Alice, without much convincing at all really, to take the twins out so I could have just a few moments alone with Edward while Charlie was out fishing.

I had a feeling, though, it might not be the romantic alone time we had been lacking in for the last months, but much more serious than I would have liked, something that was unavoidable.

"I'm sorry I asked you what I did," he finally muttered reluctantly, so quiet I wasn't sure if I heard him or not. "Especially the way I did. I really shouldn't have."

If there was one thing I had been expecting, it was most certainly not that.

Why was he _apologizing_ for proposing to me? Did he read my email wrong? Did he honestly think that I didn't want to marry him just because I had no desire to be with him forever? It had nothing to do with that, in fact, if that was all that marriage was, I would have already done it. The more time I had spent with Edward the more it made me realize that he was the one for me, the other half, 'the perfect man', as they liked to describe him in cliché love stories. The one who you see in a crowded room, the one that can make your heart stop.

"Don't be," I mumbled back, trying to find words as I stared down at my bare feet, trying to sort through my thoughts and find something even mildly intelligible to say, but nothing came to mind. Perfect. "I was just surprised, that's all. I didn't mean it as a no, just as a 'not now', really. I really – one day, I do want to marry you. Just not now, not because of all of this that's going on, and not right in the middle of it."

I stared back up and what I saw in his eyes scared the hell out of me, because he was looking at me, but he really wasn't. It wasn't the same meaningful glance he usually gave, and I could see exactly how he felt like always, but I didn't like what I saw. His gorgeous face was twisted into something like turmoil and agony, and before I knew it I was reaching for him, throwing myself on his lap and trying to understand where it stemmed from.

"What? What is it, Edward? Please tell me what's wrong, please," I begged him quietly, my mouth dry. The fear that burned inside me held no signs of extinguishing anytime soon, and at the moment I welcomed it.

"I asked you because I was afraid I wouldn't get a chance for a while," he admitted, shaking his head. "I talked to Jasper the other day, and he mentioned he was going to propose to Alice –"

"I helped him pick out a ring today," I interjected quietly, trying to lighten his obvious mood, but he only offered a sad smile before continuing.

"He sounded sure, like he knew exactly where his life was going, exactly what his future would hold. It was like he knew he'd be with Alice forever, like he was sure of it – he knew, Bella," he murmured, shaking his head in disbelief I just didn't understand. "And he's going to marry her, and they're going to raise kids together and grow old, and that's their life now, it's planned out and concrete."

"After college we can do that, too," I tried to remind him, biting down on my lip as he started shaking his head and that expression took over his features again, the expression I hated with every part of my being. "I'll try my best to get into Dartmouth, and then we'll get married, and if you want we can have kids, too. Dartmouth isn't even that far, so you can try to visit more often like you said you would -"

"I'm transferring."

My eyes widened as I tried to digest the information.

"Why? You said it was your dream to go to Dartmouth and study pre-med, then go to medical school, remember? You had it all planned out!"

"That was _before_ Alice got pregnant," he sighed, shaking his head. "Don't you see that Carlisle and Esme are always at the house, and have been since Alice ran away? They haven't been working, Bella, and their whole company is falling to pieces. So if I take a job -"

"You're going to study and school _and _take a full time job as Carlisle's mouthpiece? How the hell do you expect -"

Then I saw the look in his eyes and I already had my answer.

"You're dropping out."

"Just for a few semesters, I promise, until I get settled in, and then yes, I'll try and balance, but if I can't, I suppose first things first. College can wait, Bella, family comes first."

He said that as if that made any difference, as if a _few semesters_ still wouldn't throw his whole future completely out of whack.

Our future.

This wasn't _fair._

"_Where are you going?"_ I demanded, trying to hold back the tears as I thought about it. I could still find a way to visit him, because in reality, it couldn't be much farther than Dartmouth.

I waited and waited for an answer, but he only pulled his lips to mind and kissed me feverishly, and it only fueled my fear, added flame to the fire I had started. My heart ached and pounded in my chest, because I knew this might be goodbye for what was longer than just a few weeks, for much longer than that.

I waited for my answer as his hands threaded in my hair and he buried his head into my shoulder, breathing in my scent. I tried to keep my breaths steady, wondering if he had even heard my hoarse question.

"Europe. I think I'm starting in England, but I have to double check with Carlisle. His company travels a lot, which is why he was hardly there for Alice and I, Esme with him," his velvet voice finally answered me, his voice sullen, and that same, horrible and twisted expression on his face.

I felt my heart sink and finally the tears spilled as I buried my head into his shoulder, trying to get as close to him as I possibly could before I let him go. Maybe if I was lucky, I had a week or so, a week to memorize every little aspect of him so I wouldn't miss it as much, though I knew I would even then. Maybe I could fit everything I wanted to do into a few months into just a week, and even in just a short time I could pretend everything was okay, like we were naïve little kids in high school, so crazy in love, like that made anything any easier at all –

"When do you leave, Edward?" I whispered against his neck.

"Tomorrow morning."

* * *

A/N: This chapter really gets to me. :P

Because think about it. All his life Edward has been pretending and following people and doing things he's never really wanted to do (see YGL!) - so finally he gets the chance to get away and be himself, become a doctor, and then Alice gets pregnant and Carlisle/Esme have more important matters at home than at work, where they've been basically his whole life...

It just makes me sad, you know? And for Bella who's got to watch her best friend who's always been all over the place marry and have a kid, it's gotta be hard when she thought she had this solid relationship, and thought she knew exactly where she's going and now it's all twisty-curvy-upside down. :PPP

So you finally got Edward's reason for asking Bella to tie the knot, and totally raise your hand if you didn't think of that.

I know you didn't, you liars. ;) Hehe.

Plus, was that a cliffie? I can't even tell anymore. XD

Anyway, those are MY feelings, but I want yours, really. :) I'm not important, 'cause I'm the writer..

SO send me a review.

Cause I totally love you and will write if you do!

...Did that rhyme?

I tried. ;)

xo,

Nicky


	5. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer. God, guys, why do you keep making me admit that?!

A/N:

...I'm on my knees, guys. Seriously. See me? Well, if you don't, look a little bit harder. :P I know, I know. 'It's been more than a month!' 'What the hell?!' '...Ugh, Nicky, you're a FAILURE.' If your response to this chapter is not one of the above than you're obviously an overly nice person! Or, you know. I could just expect the worst. The thing is, though, that this story just wouldn't let me write it. I had a ton of issues of where it was going and what came next, and finally, FINALLY, I got some insight.

:) Okay, so, guess what? I guess if I'm going to be all begging for forgiveness I should give you some good news, huh? I totally have a grip on things now, so the next few chapters will come super fast. I'm going to try and make it up to all you UM and YGL! fans, promise, promise, promise.

But first, let's start with excuses. Excuse number one; life. God, it happens. I've been here, there, all over the place lately. Excuse number two? My head wasn't in it. It was all jumbled and I'd sit down and try to write a chapter and I just couldn't. Three would obviously be that I lost my interest for a while because I just couldn't figure it out and I tend to panic when that happens. Panic does not equal a good writing enviroment, to say the least. Are these excuses legit? Hehe. If they're not, oh well. You'll forgive me when I give you chapter after chapter, right?

Okay, so, I'm not going to blab for three hours like usual, you know why? Because I know you may or may not have been waiting for the next chapter, and yeah, here it is. :PPP

By the way, the Twilight movie was amaaaaazing, and I needed to get that out.

End of my ranting, rambling, begging.

without further ado, here is -DRUMROLL- CHAPTER FOUR, LONG AWAITED!

/cut drama

* * *

We laid there for as long as I can remember, but I remember wishing and pretending the morning would never come. It was nice to think like that, to imagine that we could just lay together on my couch, his arms around my waist for all eternity, but it wasn't like reality, it just wasn't plausible. In reality there were problems that often didn't resolve themselves, and sometimes there just weren't happy endings. I liked to believe that this was a conflict we could overcome, but if it was what had to be done there just wasn't any other way. People did things they didn't want to all the time, but it didn't make sense to me that Edward had to be the one to do it.

Edward loved Dartmouth, I know he did. He was happy there, and even though I'd like to believe he was happier here in Forks I just knew he wasn't. He liked being challenged, he liked being on his own and getting the chance to discover himself. All through high school and even before he had been lost, struggling for some form of self identity, hiding the little he had. He had pretended and lied, but it was different now, and I could see that. It didn't seem fair to me that he had to pretend again, and I knew that he didn't want to.

I knew he had already started pretending though. Already I could see the changes, the natural way he seemed to shut down and hide himself away. He had done this in the past, and I had always hated it. He had never quite been able to do what he wanted, always following others and trying to make them what _they _wanted. Edward just didn't know how to be who he was, and even after the past year it still seemed to me that the only one he could truly be himself around was me and his family. It didn't seem right to me that just when he was getting his chance, his turn to shine, it all got taken away from him. Alice had made a mistake, perhaps one that could be fixed and worked around, but a mistake nonetheless.

Why did Edward, her brother, have to deal with that? How was it fair that the one time in his life when he had everything he wanted, no strings attached, it all got ripped from underneath him? He was _happy._ I could see it. The way he smiled, his tone of voice on the phone as he went on and on about his classes, his professors, and his plans for the holiday… but that was all different now. It wasn't happening, and I could see that.

Edward was stubborn. Once he'd made up his mind I was smart enough to know that he wasn't going to change it anytime soon.

I was restless as he tried to sing me to sleep in vain. Charlie had allowed him to stay much longer than usual once we had explained the situation to him, but promised that he'd be checking up on us. Edward and I realized that was a promise that was not going to be followed through with when we heard the snores from upstairs. The twins had been put to bed, thrilled to see Edward, and his heart seemed to break when their eyes filled with tears at the mention of them leaving. I never truly understood the connection between Edward and the twins, but when he had sung them to sleep and kissed both their foreheads I knew that this was the man I was in love with.

I wasn't sure how long ago Edward had fallen asleep, but the clock on the microwave as I walked in the kitchen said exactly three o' clock. I tried to gather myself, tried to keep the tears in, but I knew they were slipping. My shaking hands grabbed for the kitchen phone and dialed without really looking, not quite aware that anyone I tried to call would be sleeping.

"Hello?" answered a groggy voice on the other line, but I knew exactly who it was. My breath caught in my throat as I tried to find the words to say through my tears, but none seemed to come. I simply sobbed into the phone for a while, finding a chair and plopping myself into it.

"Bella," the voice was husky but gentle on the other line, letting out a quiet sigh as if to soothe me, "is that you?" I nodded before I realized he couldn't see me, and then held the phone closer to my ear, quieting my voice so Edward wouldn't be woken.

"Yeah, Jake, it's me." I knew I sounded pathetic, my voice more than a whimper than anything, but I didn't know what to do. I felt like I was losing something, and I just wasn't sure how to get it back. Everything had been fine, everything had been perfect, and then it had just slipped. I felt like I wasn't in control of my own life anymore.

"Okay, come down," his voice hushed me from the other side of the phone, and I could hear the distinctive cries of a baby on the other line. I bit my lip, knowing that he had his own problems and I could have called someone else besides him. "Tell me what's wrong, alright?"

"Edward's leaving," was the only thing I could think of to say, but I knew how he would take it. There was silence on the other line for a good couple moments as I wiped the tears from my eyes, trying to get myself together.

"That son of a –"

"No, he's leaving for Europe," I interrupted quickly, not wanting to listen to Jake rant, though I knew it might just make me feel better. Jacob dealt with things like this so easily. He could just get angry, he could scream, yell. It was easy for him, but I could never do that, not the way he could. I don't think it's possible for me to get angry at Edward, especially not when he was doing this because he felt he had to for his family.

There was another silence and the sounds of ruffling before he finally answered me, his voice quiet and something like sympathetic. "When is he leaving?"

"He has an eight o' clock flight," I answered matter-of-factly, because I couldn't say it with anymore emotion than that. The whole situation made me feel almost numb, like I couldn't feel. The whole time I was in Edward's arms all I could think about was how I wouldn't be for a very long time after that.

"I thought he was at Dartmouth, Bella. You guys were doing alright with the long distance, I thought," Jacob mumbled. He sounded exhausted and a wave of guilt ran through me as he sighed and obviously considered his words. "I mean, you had so many plans. You've been like that before, right?"

"But it's not the same!" I protested, immediately regretting it as I snapped my hand over my mouth and looked towards the living room. The archway made it easy to see his body on the couch even in the dark, his chest rising and falling with his easy breathing. I hushed my voice as I continued, rubbing irritably at my temples. "True, when he's in Dartmouth he's across the country, but it's so different. And he's giving up college for this, Jake. To go work for some country that has meetings in all these different foreign countries. He's going to be some executive, like the mouthpiece for his parents, and that's not what he wants. God, he just wanted to go to medical school. His whole life all he wanted to do was get the hell out of Forks so he could go to medical school and find himself, finally be who he really is. That's all he used to say to me. How is it fair, Jake? How is it fair that he doesn't get the one thing he's ever really asked for?"

My own words shocked me, because I knew how damn true they were. Edward had dreams, he had wants, he had a future, and suddenly it had just altered. For so long he had wanted this, he had wanted Dartmouth and college in general. He wanted to study to become a doctor, he wanted to make his father proud, but he had never wanted to go into the same business. He wanted to get out of that. He had sworn he would never make the same mistakes his father had, and now I just didn't know. What if one year turned into two? Three? I had always thought I was alright with change, but now I began to wonder.

"Bella, can I ask you a question?" Jacob asked from the other line finally, bringing me out of my near panic. I shook my head and my gaze found the wall, tearing my eyes away from the sleeping figure on my living room couch.

"Shoot, Jake," I murmured through the tears I knew were coming, feeling weak and dejected.

"When has life ever been fair?"

His words had seemed harsh at first before I realized his tone of voice, soft and comforting, and then I knew he was right. Life just wasn't fair, and there was no way around this. Life wasn't like the romance movie Edward and I had watched just a few hours before on the couch when neither of us could sleep, and asking for that was just asking for disappointment. Sometimes things didn't work out so perfectly, and sometimes you just had to work around that. Plans were rearranged, people changed, and so did relationships. Life happened, and you could either chose to go along with it or get knocked down in the process.

"Never, Jake," I answered quietly, my own voice flat and dead, because I was feeling sick. There was no way around this. As much as I wished and hoped there was just no way it would come true. If Edward had to leave, if he truly felt that he needed to, he would go, and I just couldn't stop him.

"Exactly," he sighed, and his tone matched mine. I could hear the creaking of his chair as he leaned back in it, and I could just see him sitting there and the expression on his face. For just a fraction of a second I smiled, because I knew that some things just never would change, and it gave me just a little hope. "If life was fair Leah wouldn't have gotten pregnant, her whole life ruined the way it was. Do you think either of us wanted this?"

"But you're happy, aren't you?"

"Now we are. We weren't then, though. Didn't you see me last year, Bella?" I bit my lip as I thought about it, because I knew he was right. He had been a wreck last year, and I had been right in the middle of it. "God, Bella. Do you think we _wanted_ that? You think we wanted to drop out of high school to take care of a baby, to get married so young? It wasn't fair! But it happened. Nothing could have stopped that after it happened, no matter what we _wanted._ We could wish and wish all we want that we were safe that night, but you know what, we weren't, and now we gotta deal. So does everyone around us. We can't afford a house or diapers or clothes so somebody has to get them for us. Because of us, everyone has to deal, too. Is that fair, Bella?"

"No." My voice had cracked somehow, the words coming out much softer than a whisper. It wasn't fair, but it was life, and suddenly I knew exactly what I had to do.

"But you know what? We can pay those people back. A couple years from now we will be able to pay for those things. In a couple years your friend Alice will be back on her feet, Edward's parents will be back at work, and he'll be back at college. It's just a time thing. Things happen, and we just have to live with them. Sometimes it's not our fault, sometimes it's not our mistake, but if we care then we'll deal with the consequences anyway. That's life, Bella. Sometime you just have to deal."

"There's no way to stop it then, is there?" I whispered, mostly to myself, the tears finally running down my cheeks again as I thought about it and grasped the phone tightly against my ear. "Edward's getting on that plane tomorrow morning and there's nothing that can stop him."

"You can try, Bella," he sighed, but his tone sounded as doubtful as I felt, and the sick feeling finally began to sink in. "You can try damn hard, but if he's set, he's set. I don't even think his parents asked him to do it, I think he did it himself. He's pretty damn stubborn, isn't he?" Jake's voice sounded frustrated, but I knew that he wasn't angry at Edward, and I had to smile at that. No matter how hard Jake tried, he really could never hate Edward.

"Yeah, he is," I murmured, but there was pure adoration in my tone that just came naturally.

"You guys can make it, Bella. If there's any two people in this world who _deserve_ to make it, it's you two."

"Thanks, Jake."

"And Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"You just call me if he hurts you for real. I'll beat him so hard he won't know what hit him, alright?"

I smiled through my tears, shaking my head.

"Bye, Jake."

* * *

It was easier then, I realized. I had made up my mind on things, come to terms with things I already knew. It was easier to go back into the living room and settle myself back into his arms, but the peaceful smile on his beautiful face still brought another tear to trickle gently. It wasn't going to be easy to let him go again, but I knew I would manage, because I had to. If this was something Edward felt he had to I just couldn't stop him.

The morning came too quickly, and I hadn't been aware that I had fallen asleep in his arms until his lips met mine and he whispered gently for me to wake up. It felt wonderful to be in his arms again, but the disgusting sinking feeling came directly from the simple fact that it wouldn't last. I tried to push that away as he left to get ready, trying to control myself enough to shower and get dressed. Part of me knew that it would hurt more than anything to say goodbye, while the other part knew I would never live with myself if I didn't.

Standing in the airport was the hardest thing I had ever done, knowing we were just hours from parting, this time for a much longer time than before. His lips met everywhere they could touch while people cleared their throats and scolded us for displays of public affection, including his parents. We didn't care, and I just didn't think I was capable of it anymore. He led me to the dark corner near the bathrooms, his lips finding all the sensitive parts in me, drinking in my skin. For a brief moment my mind seemed to put it together that he was memorizing me for when he could no longer do any of this, but I shut it away and refused to think that way as I pulled him closer.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered gently in my ear, his voice broken and raspy, and I knew that this would be one of the hardest things I would ever have to do. I knew I would see him again, in just a few months possibly, but his pain burned me more than my own in that moment. Green eyes were filled to the brim with tears I knew he was holding back, and I knew I had only seen him like this once. Instantly I reached up to stoke his cheek and wipe away the tear that finally slipped, my own tears rushing to the surface.

"I love you, too. It'll be okay. We'll be okay."

We kissed and embraced and wiped away each other's tears, but more just seemed to come. We were young and crazy in love, but it was times like this that I knew it could last. I knew it could survive. He was everything to me, and I had known that for so long. He understood me, he accepted me, and, God, it was hard to believe, but he _loved_ me. He loved me for being Bella, he loved my imperfections, and he thought I was beautiful. I don't know how many times I whispered 'it's okay' in those short minutes, but I wasn't aware of anything anymore. Time seemed to stop and I finally seemed to realize, it finally all seemed to click when it was just too late. The tears dripped and fell with the last bit of my resolve as I squeezed him, and then I knew I had to let him go.

I watched in silence as his family embraced him one by one, and then I knew with absolution that this was Edward's choice, and Edward's choice alone. I wished in that moment that I could be angry with him for it, but there just wasn't enough will. I knew that he was doing what he felt was right, and I could only love him more for it in the end.

"You don't have to do this, Edward," Esme whispered to him in desperation, and I suddenly felt like an outsider watching through a window as his parent's continued begging continued.

"Edward, please," Alice joined in, tears falling from her cheeks and her hands ran to her stomach as if she was soothing the baby, too. "You don't need to do this for me. We can make it, I know we can. We can pull everything back together afterwards, but God, please don't be so stupid! You're throwing your life away!"

"For my family," Edward sighed, holding back his own tears with a will I couldn't comprehend, a will and a stubbornness I had always known he had possessed. "Besides, I need to do this, for myself, too. I need to … God, I need to help. I need to do this. Everything is falling apart, and everyone is helping besides me. I need to do something. The family needs me."

"The family need you to be happy, Edward," Esme interjected as the announcement for the last call rang through the speakers, making all of us go into hysterics. I hoped that they would wear him down. I begged for it to happen, but already knew that it wouldn't.

Edward had made up his mind and nothing could stop him from getting on that plane now. I had known that hours ago.

"I am happy," he persisted, shaking his head, his lips a thin line, his face expressionless. I could see that he wasn't though, and there was no way to deny it all the way from his tense jaw to his green eyes, so anguished that it caused another round of tears.

"Are you?" Carlisle contradicted, shaking his head, but he turned to Esme, gently setting a hand on her shoulder, giving a weak smile. "I did this when I was younger too. I made a choice just like this, and if this is what Edward feels he needs to do then who are we to stop him? You're a man now, Edward. No matter what happens now, just know I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you no matter what you do. This is your decision to make, and none of us can stop you."

"But – " Alice began, but the look in Carlisle's eyes silenced her immediately, and Esme wrapped a tender arm around her. Edward stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, and I had to look away as they whispered their goodbyes, because this is all he had ever wanted. To be accepted, to be wanted for who he was. He had only wanted to be able to make his own choices and for someone to be proud of him for who he was. That was all he had ever wanted, not money or medical school… he just wanted to this, and it broke my heart that he finally got it and had to throw it all away in the same instance, to let it go.

"I love you, Alice," I heard him whisper as he leaned in to hug her, careful not to upset the baby she was carrying inside of her.

"Love you too, bro. I'll miss you."

And it hurt, it hurt horribly, because Edward and Alice had never had a good relationship. They had always loved each other, and there was just no way around that – the way Edward had reacted when she ran was the best proof of this – but it had always been broken up and strained. Just when they were finally becoming what I knew Edward had always wanted to be with his sister he was getting torn away, and again the sinking, dropping feeling in my stomach burned me, making it hard to see past the tears.

"I'll miss you too, Alice."

When he turned to me his eyes were just as full with tears as mine would as we watched people scatter to get on the plane, and I knew I had to let him go. His arms wrapped tightly around me and I sobbed into his shoulder because it hurt, and I just wasn't ready. I needed him. I needed him now more than ever and here he was leaving me, and just like Edward and Carlisle said, I just couldn't stop him. This was his choice, and he had to decide whether it was right or not.

"Make me proud, Edward," I whispered into his ear, trying to recognize my own voice. "Make me proud."

"I love you, Bella," he whispered as he finally let me go, turning away and kissing me one last time on the lips and then the forehead. He stepped away and it seemed like with every step my heart beat got faster, my head screaming at me to call after him.

"Edward, wait!" I yelled when he was close to the gate, my face red from crying and my voice hoarse. He heard me still, turning around and looking very much like he wished he could run back.

"Yes, Bella?" he called back, but his voice was hardly audible, and others were pushing around him so I could barely see him anymore.

"Yes!" I screamed with sudden conviction, determination. The tears flowed harder now as I shook my head in desperation, my body screaming for me to run to him while my feet were grounded, almost as if glued to the floor where I stood. "Yes, I'll marry you!"

I ignored the shocked faces of his family because in that moment the only thing that mattered to me was the heartbreakingly beautiful smile that spread over his lips. He didn't say anything as he got on the plane, but he didn't have to. I watched as he left and somehow I knew it.

We'd be okay. All of us, we'd all be okay in the end. I repeated it over and over as we all drove home from the airport, trying my best to believe it.

* * *

A/N: This chapter really got to me, because I think this is a chapter that a lot of people can relate to. People in your life are going to make choices you're not going to agree with and they're going to think they're right, and in the end you can't stop them. Life's not fair and you kind of have to roll with the punches. Things don't always end up tied up nicely with a perfect little bow and sometimes things just have to fall apart before they get better.

So, there's still a whole lot more of the story to come and I swear that Edward will not fade completely into the background, as some of you are afraid of. He is still a huge part of the story, but a thing I always loved about this story is it's not just a bunch of drama happening with Edward and Bella, it's everyone. Alice will be a big part, Jasper will be a huge part, Esme and Carlisle will be a part, and Jacob will definitely be a part.

Along with Emmett. He'll be a huge part later in the story, and he's arriving very soon, so all you Emmett fans just hang in there, alright? ;)

The whole goodbye scene with Edward, Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Bella was really powerful to me, for some reason, espesially with what Carlisle said. You have to realize how Alice and Edward grew up, and then hopefully you'll see it the way I do.

Plus, Edward finally got his yes.

Would have been nice if it wasn't while he was getting on the plane, though, right? :P Better late than never.

SO, a whole lot more to come, and it's gonna be updates galore for a whole while, so get ready for it. Are you excited? I am. :P

So. Get ready for some dramallamaobama and send me your love and your thoughts, 'cause you know how much I love that.

Love ya,

Nicky :)


	6. Chapter Five

Disclaimer: Own nothing. Nope, not even Twilight. That belongs to Stephenie Meyer. ):

A/N: However, I do own a hell of a lot of explanation, huh?

Life can be so demanding, you know? I've been more busy than you can imagine, but it's all good now. I promise. Doesn't mean it makes it better, especially with the broken promises.

I am so, so, so sorry. Sorry enough to give you my life-time supply of Edward ice cream. Or ice cream with Edward on top. Or just cookies, for whatever males are out there. You know. Just throwing it out there. (No, I am totally not trying to bribe you. I am seriously innocent, guys. I've shown you that.)

But, I hope these next chapters make up for it!

I'll be chanting sorry while you read! But just go ahead and get on with it. You know. I don't wanna delay you any further. :P

* * *

After a month or two, I realized how naïve I was, really and truly. I realized there had been something wrong with me all that time ago that I had thought I could work everything in my life out at the same time and somehow fit the bits and pieces together. I couldn't. None of it really fit anymore, not really. If I looked at the big picture, the bright little pieces -- the lights in my life, the hope, things I had considered great, good even -- seemed a lot dimmer. Nothing really fell into place anymore, and somehow trying to balance all of that together was just asking for a bit too much. I had too much on my hands. Balancing all of this was impossible, and why I even tried was beyond me.

It had worked at first. I had been determined to make it work, and everyone else had too. It was easy to be bright and optimistic about things, but in the end, it only made it worse. When you looked at the bright side of things, it gave you hope. When you smiled and toughed it out, it made you think you could accomplish something in the end. To some extent, it made you feel like you could change it. That was how it made me feel. I felt like I could change everything, somehow make it better. In the last month or so, I think I finally figured out that I can't. Sometimes, you can't change things. Sometimes, you just need to deal.

I was never a particularly optimistic person, to be honest. I got that from my mother. I lived with her before I lived with Charlie and she got re-married, which, obviously, wasn't very long. She was always bitingly sarcastic, always looking for a way to make drama. My mother is a wonderful person, that was always clear to me, and still is now; she is strong, independent, intelligent, and beautiful. However, she can also be erratic, hare-brained, fickle, and very pessimistic. She always showed me to be wary of people. She told me to consider their motives, to think about how they could hurt me. There was always something worrying her, always something she wanted to change. To some extent, though, she had believed she could change things too. She never stopped fighting.

I guess I got that from my mom. Over the past month or so, I've gotten plenty pats on the back. Esme telling me she didn't know what she'd do in my position, if she were my age. Carlisle telling to hang in there, that I was a wonderful young woman, that I should be looked up to. Alice telling me what a great friend I was, and how she couldn't do any of this without me. The twins going on and on about how I was the best cousin in the world, and how they didn't want to go home to their parents. I wished it was enough, every time I heard it. I wished it didn't sicken me every time I looked into their eyes and saw the sympathy there, that disgusting look I wanted to go away. I didn't want it. God, I didn't _need_ it.

Every time I logged into my email account, though, I felt like I did.

**To: Ringingbells**

**From: Playingthekeys**

**Subject: Re: No Subject**

**I'm fine.**

**I'm busy, though, Bella. I'm sorry I haven't been getting back a lot lately.**

**Send my best to Alice and my parents.**

**--Edward**

That was it. Sometimes, I couldn't even bring myself to reply anymore, because that was what I got in response, every single fucking time. Some impersonal, tiny little email from a man I didn't know. He signed his emails with dashes and his name, and never the funny little comments the man I loved. He didn't give me commentary on everything he had done that day, the people he had meant, down to every single detail because he felt that I needed to know. He didn't question at all about me, and when I told him, he didn't give anything back. When I asked him about his life, his work, his associates -- that was what he called them, that and co-workers, never friends, or buddies, pals, or whatever else he might have had he not been some stuff-shirted robot -- it was always the same responses. 'Fine', 'good', 'same as always'. That was it.

When I told him about Alice and his family, he gave me shit like 'that's wonderful, tell them I said hello'. That was it. Nothing else, ever. After a while, I stopped expecting. After a while, I learned to dread reading my email instead of giggling like a second-grader with a crush. I didn't get excited anymore. To some extent, I didn't even care, because I never got anything back. My replies got shorter and shorter, until it wasn't even worth sending them anymore. Sometimes, part of me wished he would just stop altogether. Sometimes, I wondered why we bothered. When had this happened?

**To: Playingthekeys**

**From: Ringingbells**

**Subject: No Subject**

**It's fine. You're busy, I understand.**

**Alice, Carlisle and Esme say hello.**

**-Bella**

That was it. Nothing else. No 'I love you', no added information. I didn't feel the need anymore, but my stomach lurched when I hit send. I didn't know this Edward. I didn't know this informal, uncaring Edward, because I had never met him. This wasn't my Edward, not the one I had fallen in love with before I had even known it. This wasn't the one I had agreed to marry, the one I had wanted this to work with. This was the Edward I hated, the one who gave in to others and did exactly as people told him to.

Because Carlisle was proud. I heard them on the phone when I went by the Cullen house with Alice. I heard him talking on the phone to him, laughing, talking about how proud he was. Proud that his son was just like him, and was turning out to be exactly the way he had intended him to be. I could see the resemblance then, the resemblance I had struggled to see before. Carlisle and Edward were very much alike, though I would never mention it. It wouldn't matter if I did. Carlisle would probably be _proud _that his son was turning into a man just like him.

Carlisle spent most of his time in his office, barking orders to his robot of a son, the man I didn't know and refused to believe was Edward. Esme was constantly flittering, seeming concerned and worried and all too involved in a family she didn't give a shit about just a short while ago, and if she did, certainly didn't show it. I guess it figured, then. If they had changed, I couldn't see it now. Maybe I had just become cynical, and I wished that was the case. Maybe I was just maturing, seeing things for how they truly were.

Alice was getting bigger, swelling at the stomach, and constantly surrounded by Jasper. He hadn't proposed yet, but he flashed me the ring every damn day, asking me for advice -- when, how, what to say, etc. I never knew what to say, but he finally seemed to have some sort of idea. They sometimes discussed baby names together, their future, their house, their car. They discussed growing old together, with the rocking chair and make-you-gag happily-ever-after. The one that I had wanted with someone else not too long ago.

Jasper was constantly hovering around me, asking me a thousand questions. Sometimes, I could see he was distracted. Something was wrong with him, but I couldn't care to ask what. Something was always wrong with everyone nowadays, really. I couldn't even keep up. I couldn't help but notice, though, how he sometimes snuck off on his cell phone for hours at a time, yelling and screaming. Something was up, but I didn't have the heart to report to Alice, nor the will to do so.

The twins were the same as ever. They bounced and giggled and constantly dragged me around, and they were the distraction in my life. I took them places all the time and more often than not Alice came along, though she seemed even more distracted as the days went on. The baby's due date was getting closer and closer, and she had a feeling something was going in with Jasper. She asked me everyday, but sometimes I just didn't have answers to give her. I'm not sure I would be able to, even if I knew the answers.

Emmett was scheduled to come to town in a week. I was genuinely excited. He always made things lighter, brighter, better. I needed him right now. Although he was Alice's cousin, he had always been a great friend. He was like the older brother I had always wanted, and never had the chance to have. Having him with me would be a relief, and I needed that right now. More than anything, actually.

Edward? He sent those crappy emails every week, sometimes twice. They were always the same, never changing. Always informal, always never more than three lines. He never called. When I caught him -- which was rare, very rare -- he made an excuse and hung up. He didn't call back, even though he said he would. He claimed he was busy.

He talked to Carlisle all the time, though. He had time for Carlisle.

Carlisle knew this Edward.

Carlisle _liked _this Edward. He was proud of him, like he was some pretty trophy to show off to his company buddies. 'This is my son, Edward. He's just as formal and just as much as a bastard as I am.'

I _hated _this Edward. He scared me. I didn't know him, so how could I love him? I didn't. I couldn't. I wouldn't. For God's sake, couldn't he see that he was hurting me? I didn't want to answer that question. I knew it would only add badly. If I knew the answer, I pretended I didn't.

I did, though.

Work was more important than me, now.

To this Edward, I would always be second best. Or third. Or fourth. Maybe I fell after his associates. I didn't know. I couldn't tell anymore.

For all I cared, he could stop sending those crappy emails. They weren't even worth it. I wanted my Edward back.

* * *

Another week rolled around, and I still hadn't gotten a reply from Edward. I tried to tell myself I just didn't care anymore, but that was always a lie. I always cared, and there was no way around it. I did care, but not because I hadn't gotten one of those one-liners he always sent me. I cared because, even though he was being this way now, I knew my Edward was still there. He was hidden just like he had been in the past, hidden by what people wanted him to be and what I hated to see him become, but still there. Somehow, he would find his way out. This time, though, I couldn't make him do that. Edward had to do that himself.

I sat up from my computer chair, shut down the computer, and walked downstairs, trying not to let the empty inbox get the best of me. It wasn't the first time I had seen it, but it still sent that sick feeling spiraling every damn time I checked. It killed me, really. I didn't dislike it any less, even though I knew I should be getting used to it. Maybe I should be. It might be better that way.

"Bella!"

"Bella, Bella, Bella!"

I smiled a bit as the twins came rushing at me from the hallway, immediately throwing themselves at me. Something was off, though. Victoria's eyes were filled with wonder, and James honestly looked scared. I bit my lip as I thought of what could have set them off, but I didn't need to wait long. They proceeded to tell me, rushing into an explanation, excited and fast.

"There's a big, big man at the door!" Victoria.

"He looks like he could beat me up!" James, awe-struck. As if he felt it would be difficult to pound a five-year-old in, not like I thought anyone would have the heart.

"He looks scary, but kinda cool! He's got these huuuuge muscles!" Victoria, again.

"Vicki's crazy. He's just plain scary looking," James huffed, pouting a bit and crossing his arms. I tried not to grin. "But, he says he knows you!"

"Yeah, he says he knows you!"

I raised my eyebrow at this, but followed them as they led me to the door anyway. What I found waiting there, though, looming there huge muscles and all, brought a smile to my face that was honestly a bit rare. I grinned wide as I flung myself into his arms, giggling a bit at his deep, hearty chuckle. He always smelt kind of like peppermint. I really couldn't tell.

"Well, looks like Bells missed me," he laughed, hugging me to him gently. "Forks is pretty damn welcoming, for a tiny little piece of shit, you know?

I laughed with him, shrugging my shoulders. "What can I say? We small town folk know how to do it." I pulled back to look at him. His curly brown hair, his dimpled, strong cheeks, his defined muscles, his impossibly tall figure. It was impossible to deny who he was. "Welcome home, Em."

"Thanks, Bella. Thanks a ton. You know I promised myself I'd never come back here, right?" He sighed, rolling his eyes, letting out that distinct grunt. "Forks is such a black hole. Once you're in, you can't get out. I thought I was out, too. Well, screw that. Obviously, I had to come back." His eyes were knowing, understanding. He really didn't mind, those eyes told me. He was doing this for Alice, and for me. For his family. Tough as he might look, Emmett had a heart of gold.

"I know. Things change." Even I couldn't help how bitter my voice sounded, like acid dripping off my tongue.

"I know. Life sucks." He was grinning.

"And then you die," I finished for him, laughing.

"That a girl, Bella. That a girl." He slung his arm around me, and for a second or two, things were just a little bit better.

* * *

I don't know how I managed to look at my email after escaping reality with Emmett for a little bit.

I do remember, though, telling myself not to cry.

**From: Playingthekeys**

**To: Ringingbells**

**Subject: I'm sorry**

**Bella.**

**This isn't working out.**

**From: Ringingbells**

**To: Playingthekeys**

**Subject: Re: I'm sorry**

**I know.**

Once Emmett was gone and the twins were in bed, I cried.

I cried because it wasn't fair. I cried because I knew what we could be. I cried because I knew we could be perfect, amazing, but this had happened, and it screwed everything up. He wasn't supposed to be like this. My Edward was everything. He was emotional, and beautiful, and expressive, and feeling, and living. My Edward loved me. My Edward had dreams, goals. He wanted to be a doctor. This wasn't my Edward. I wanted my Edward, and it wasn't fair that I couldn't have him.

I cried because it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair Alice's whole life was planned out right before her, that she got pregnant. It wasn't fair Jasper was slowly pulling away, and neither of us really wanted to find out why.

It wasn't fair Emmett was pulled into the middle of it, either. It wasn't fair we used him as some kind of rock because our lives were this big mess of lies and denial and people who were just getting screwed over, time after time.

Life wasn't fair. I cried myself to sleep that night, listening to the CD that Edward played me before he left, the one I had begged him to record.

Then I stopped it, took it out, and threw it across the room. I tried to tell myself I didn't care. He could be like this if he wanted, and I wouldn't care. He didn't deserve my tears. He didn't deserve this.

I don't know who I was trying to fool.

* * *

A/N: Guys, don't kill me, alright? :P I know, I know. I don't update in forever, and then I give you this. I promise, promise, promise, there is a reason. Plus, ever hear that saying, 'got to get better before it gets worse'? Yes, well. Sometimes everything needs to fall apart before it gets better, right? You need things to crumble before you can put together the pieces. You get the point. Basically, I know where this is going, so just hang in there, alright? You gotta trust me here. (;

Also, as for baby names, yes, I still haven't decided. :P I actually already wrote the birthing scene, and put [insertbabynamehere]. Do not laugh at me! Haha. It seemed right at the time, since everything I put in there I figured would eventually get changed. As for a girl or boy, obviously I won't tell you, but if you still want to give some suggestions for Ali's baby boy/girl, go for it! I actually liked a lot of your suggestions, and I wish I could narrow it down and make it a poll or something.

Anyway, as far as updates go, expect a lot! This time, I mean it, really. :) I wrote a lot for this story, and I'm still going. I am so sorry to all the fans out there, and I really hope ,I can make it up to you. I love you all so much, and remember that each and every reviews makes me smile. I love you, love you, love!

Things I notice in your reviews? Some of you use "dramallamaobama" and I laugh every freaking time. Yes. Also? I love when you guys give your thoughts in your reviews. I love long reviews. :P Besides that, though. Keep kicking me in the ass when I don't update for a while.

I read all my email and read every single review.

Trust me, it kills me when I know you guys are left hanging. So, moving on...

Now. Remember that one chapter in YGL! when I cheered?

Yeah. I'll do it again. Or sing. That's even worse. I break mirrors, guys. Wish I was kidding.

Unless you review.

Does threatening work? Dunno. Never tried. :P Figured it fit the dark-ish mood of the chapter. So. Review? Please? You know.

Love you all! Your support means a ton. Thanks for hanging in there with my busy bee self.

Always,

Nicky :)


	7. Chapter Six

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Twilight. Sad, I know.

A/N: Well, damn. You guys sure know how to make a girl smile, you know? All the reviews I got were AMAZING, and I am SO GLAD I didn't lose all of my freaking amazing fans. :) I loved all of your predictions and thoughts, and some of them just made me giggle. You guys are the best, even though I really sucked it up with the updating. But, you know, I'm making it up to you. I'm making this story my main focus since it got so neglected, and I really need it to be finished. Not just for you guys, but for me, too.

So, I'm thinking I can get an update out at least every other day, if not daily. I'm written far ahead and I'm still into it, haha, and I've definitely got the time now, so look out. (; Your inboxes will really be full with my alerts this time. I really love that you guys are hanging in there, and trust me I know what I'm doing. I've figured out exactly how I want all of this to happen, and a lot of it now will be pre-written. Anyway, thanks again for hanging in there with. I promise I'm back for good, and this story is going to be pushed back into center field.

Anyway, I won't keep you any longer, so go ahead and read on. :P

* * *

**AlicePOV**

I don't know how I managed to get through it, looking back on it. I don't even think I want to think about it, because I know I have to keep moving forward. I don't know how I keep pushing myself, telling myself every day as my stomach grows and everyone gets pushed away – no matter how hard I tried to pull them back in – that everything will be alright. Lately, no matter what anyone tries to tell themselves, nothing is alright. Everyone sees it, and I don't know how anyone can miss it. Behind the scenes, we're all so screwed up. Maybe I was from the beginning, and I didn't even realize it. I don't even know.

I've always been the one with the smile on my face. I've always been the one who's talked people through things, given them a smile, bounced around a bit, and made it okay. I gave everyone advice, threw them a party, giggled, and for a while, it was okay. It wasn't even fake. I didn't feel like it was, anyway. I didn't feel myself slipping, but now that I look back, I feel like I was. Everything I did back then was fake and superficial, and now, even now, I feel like I still am. I don't even know who I am anymore, and I haven't been given time to find out. To be honest, I don't know if I'll ever know.

I'm just a kid. In reality, I'm just a seventeen year old. I don't know up from down, white from black. Parties and friends and fashion, those were my concerns. I never was an A student like my brother, never a star player on any teams, never an asset. I liked who I was, though. I liked being happy and bubbly, and I liked helping others out. I still do, to be honest, but there's a problem.

I can't even show how much it hurts me. I can't do anything but watch as people screw up their lives, and it's all because of me and my own stupid decisions. I've never really had consequences for anything, to be honest. My parents were never around, and Edward never cared enough. In fact, for the most part, he encouraged. He couldn't see how I was changing, see what I was doing behind the scenes. He didn't see as I morphed and made those first bad decisions, the ones who shaped who I am now. People don't know me, not really. People don't understand.

To everyone else, I've always been the girl with the smile. I was the bubbly, pixie-like girl who bounced about, giggling, throwing parties, and just having fun. If you needed some cheering up, you knew exactly where to go. That was me, after all. That was Alice. I was always everyone's best friend, even if I really only had one. I was always the best advice giver, even though I needed more of it myself. I don't know if I want that anymore, or if I can even be that. I don't know how to do it.

I've been smiling, and trying to do as my mom says I should. I've been trying to see the bright side, even though I don't really see it there anymore. I don't see the bright in this, because I can't. The truth is, I'm just a kid. I'm just a seventeen-year-old kid, and I'm pregnant with a baby. A baby I don't know how to take care of, and probably never will. I can't be a mother, because I never even had one, not really.

I don't know what to do, but I just keep smiling, because there's nothing else I can do. Even when I'm breaking I'm holding everyone else together, because that's my job.

That's Alice.

Isn't it?

* * *

"Al, are you alright?" He asked me that for the fiftieth thousandth time, and I don't know whether I want to lie anymore. Emmett and I are watching some football game on television. He's making commentary, but I'm not really listening, let alone watching. There's nothing to watch. Sports remind me of Edward, now. Edward reminds me of how screwed up all our lives are now, whoever happens to be involved with me.

Just another person I've fucked up in one way or another. I don't really like to think about it, because I know how much of the truth it is. Over just a few months, I've messed up lives, thrown so many people out of balance. Edward, my parents, Emmett, Bella, Jasper, they're all just examples. There's so many more, and I wish I could just list them off. It would probably be better that way.

"Yeah, Em. I'm fine. Who's winning?" I asked dryly, even though I don't really care. He'll tell me anyway. Bella's in the kitchen. I think she's on the phone, but I can't hear what she's saying. She said she's going to try and get in touch with Edward. She says he's been in a meeting all day, though, and keeps leaving messages. She needs to tell him something, but she won't tell me what. It's kind of irritating, but I guess I don't really want to know.

Lately, we're on a need-to-know basis.

I know what's getting her. My brother is going down the same route my dad did, and he's happier than a clam. This is exactly how it went down, then, too. Emmett sees it. I see it. We all see it, except for my parents. They'll never see it, and I can't tell them.

Because Edward's doing this for me, and I know it. Emmett knows it. Carlisle doesn't care, and Esme'll do anything to justify it, because she's happy too and she knows it. She wants a perfect family. In my mind, she planned this for Edward all along.

Like father like son. It's all my fault, though. Bella was changing him, I could see it. We're all screwed, but she was making it better.

Now he's going to be the same. Like some corporate robot from hell, and I'm not sure Bella can take it. I want her to take it, but I don't know if she can. I'd talk, but I feel like I'm muzzled. I feel like I can't speak. No one would get it. No one would understand. I can't break apart again, I can't crumble. If I did, it'll be just like before. Just like before, I feel like running, as far as my expensive foreign car can take me. That's all I am, after all.

Edward is throwing his life away, his career, his dreams, his love, his emotions, his individuality. He's doing it for me. All for me, even though I don't want it. And I can't say anything, because I need to smile. I need to be happy, for everyone else's sake. God knows they're not right now. God knows no one is capable, except for my god damned parents. We're not the  
Brady Bunch. We never will be. I don't know who they're kidding.

We're just a bunch of screwed up kids, really.

All the time, though, I just feel like breaking. Coming apart at the seams and telling people exactly how I feel. I feel like yelling at Jasper for the way he's acting, and I feel like finding out on my own. I wish I could, but I don't know if I can. I just want out, at this point. I don't want this anymore.

I don't want any of this.

I didn't ask for any of this.

* * *

Jasper and I sat on my couch, and we didn't say anything. Lately, we never say anything. We just sat there, and we didn't talk. We didn't watch TV. We didn't do anything but sit there. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but I'd never say anything. I remember not so long ago when it wouldn't have been, but it was now. I always had a feeling he wanted to tell me something, but he never would. Jasper could never do that. Jasper always kept shit to himself, and it just hurt us in the end.

"Ali?"

I glanced at him, nodding my head, encouraging him to go on. I didn't have the words for him anymore. I didn't know what to say, or how to say it. "Yeah?" I managed to get out, trying to give him a smile. I'm not sure if I had any smiles left anymore. I wanted to have them, but sometimes I couldn't find them. Sometimes, I just wanted to break. Into a thousand pieces, over and over. Maybe no one would even bother trying to pick me back up, like they were all the time now.

"I wanted to talk to you about something." He always said that, but he never did. I hated it, but I couldn't say that. Always muzzled, always restrained. There was no way in hell I was giving him the truth if he couldn't even man up and give me mind. If he wanted to play, then damn it, I would play too.

"Go ahead."

"It's about…" He sighed, looking away, and this is the part I knew. I knew we'd lapse into silence and he wouldn't tell me what was really on his mind, but I needed him to, and I just didn't know how to ask for that. How did I tell him that I didn't want this bullshit anymore? I just wanted the blunt, flat out truth. I wanted to know what was going on. I didn't want to be skidded around anymore. I didn't want the sympathy. Everyone was giving it to me, helping me out in ways I didn't need the help. This was my problem. My screwed up decision. I'd never realized that I was selfish. I could be superficial, and I had known that, but now I saw it for what it is. Little by little, I was starting to see who I really was.

I didn't like my reflection in the mirror, and it wasn't just because of my oversized stomach. It was something else that I saw, myself reflected back. I wondered how I had lived with that girl for so long, but somehow I had. I guess, without even trying, I was shattering. Breaking. I didn't feel like me anymore. Nothing felt the same anymore. Nothing was. I didn't have time to figure this stuff out naturally, to just be a kid. A teenager. That was being torn away.

I'd never get to college, not for a while.

I had dreams too, goals. I couldn't accomplish those now, not really. My destiny was set in stone. I saw in Bella's eyes, too. She thought she wanted this. She thought she wanted to be stuck in one place, no way out, no room for change. She didn't. She didn't want this. No one would want this, not if they knew the half of it. Not really.

"It's about Maria." Those words out of Jasper's mouth, though, were words I never thought I'd hear. My head snapped toward him, and I was sure that my eyes were wide. I didn't even know how to react to him after he said that.

"What about Maria?" I floundered, confused and instantly defensive. Why was he bringing her into this? She didn't have a place. I didn't want her to have a place.

"I talked to her yesterday."

He looked ashamed, like a man who had just been accused of murder.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to question. I wanted to yell at him for acting like this, for keeping me out. I wanted to know, but I didn't know how to ask. I didn't know what to do.

So I did what I know how to do.

"O-Okay."

"Okay?" He sounded surprised. I didn't blame him.

I opened my mouth to speak, ready to protest, but it wasn't a second later that it snapped shut. He waited.

"Okay."

He smiled. This stupid little out of place smile that I just wanted to smack off his face, even though I shouldn't.

"Thanks, Al."

"I love you, Jazz," I murmured quietly, turning to face him. Please let me in, my eyes begged. I tried to get it across, I really did. I tried to tell him. I needed him to hear me. I needed him to reach out.

"You too, Al."

_You too._

I was muzzled.

I was screwed.

* * *

I don't know what it was, but Bella was different when we cuddled up in our usual spot on my living room floor for out movie night. Emmett was in the kitchen talking to Carlisle, and I knew the yelling would start soon. We were ready for it. I was, anyway. I couldn't even read Bella anymore. I wanted to say I'm sorry, but I didn't know what I was apologizing for. Something told me, though, that it was my fault in the end.

"How did your talk with Edward go?" I asked, because it was the only thing I knew to say. For a long while, she said nothing at all. She was completely still, completely silent. She didn't move, she didn't blink, and she didn't talk. She was like a statue, and it scared me. It really did.

Bella was always put together. She was strong. She was so fucking strong, and I couldn't … She couldn't break, because I knew I would follow. "Bella." I called her name, hoping to get her attention, but it just didn't work. She was still. If her chest didn't move, I wouldn't have known she was breathing. It was silent in that living room, and then she turned to me. Her face was expressionless. Dead. Like some hollowed out carbon copy of my friend, and I already had my answer.

"What happened, Bella?"

"Edward and I broke up." Her tone was dead, too, but I knew better. I knew _Bella_ better.

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything at all. I just grabbed her and held her to me, and for a long while we just rocked together. Back and forth we went, and we didn't speak, because we didn't need to. I didn't ask questions, and neither did she, but I didn't feel muzzled. Actually, I felt pretty damn good.

Somewhere along the line, we were crying. Shooting out incoherent nonsense from our mouths as we sobbed and rocked each other. For once, the shouting didn't come from the kitchen. We were left in my living room, just rocking back and forth and sobbing. 'It's over' she said, over and over and over like a mantra. It burned in to my brain and it hurt. It hurt so badly.

I don't want this baby. Not anymore.

I don't want this.

I don't want any of this.

I just want to take it all back. I wish I could.

In that moment, I knew I had broken. I didn't want to crack anymore. I didn't want to be muzzled. There had to be something I could do. Anything, really.

"Bella."

"Yeah?"

"Tell me about Edward. Tell me it'll be okay."

"I don't know him anymore. I don't…"

Then I knew.

* * *

Carlisle's study was always dark and cool, usually lighted only by candles. It was, to be honest, disconcerting. I always felt like going back when I walked into that room, but somehow I held myself steady. I needed to say something. I needed to take a stand and get this out before I couldn't anymore, and this was the only way that I could think to do it.

"Dad, we need to talk."

His head snapped up so fast I was sure his neck had snapped. I didn't say anything, just stood there, a little wobbly with my huge stomach. It was difficult to go over what I wanted to see in my head, but somehow I knew I would manage. I would be able to manage.

"What's it about, Ali?" Ali. I hated when he called me that, if only because he never had before. He was the very last person to call me 'Mary', and I could never speak up and tell him how much I hated it. In these last months, everyone would think he has been the perfect father. Watching over me, giving me everything I needed. For so long I wished I could believe that, but for some reason I can't. Edward saw my parents more than me, but by the time I could talk, they were out of the house all the time. Business meetings and important transitions in the company. Edward and I had a nanny.

She only spoke Spanish, and we loved to mess around with her. I had thought that was fun. I never knew what it was like to have attentive parents. I didn't even know what it was like now, to be honest, but I couldn't say that. I was quiet and muzzled, and I just stood there. How could I tell him? How could I push my father away when I had finally gotten him back? So I said the only thing I knew how to, took a breath, and shook my head.

"Dad, can I borrow the jet? Or borrow money for plane tickets, or something?"

"For?"

"I want to go to Europe. To visit Edward." To bring him back. To save him. To make Bella better, somehow.

He raised an eyebrow, but nodded his head anyway. "Sure, sweetheart."

I could make things better. One step at a time, I'd sew the pieces together, just like I always did.

That was Alice.

* * *

A/N: I'd love to hear your opinion on this chapter as well. Like I said, I had a lot of fun reading the last ones. :P How lame am I. It makes me so happy when I open my email account and see all those reviews, you don't even know.

So, how did you like APOV? I'm really, really not sure I pulled it off at all, and I actually dislike this chapter, but I couldn't find a way around it. Either way, give me your feedback, good or bad. I love both, and sometimes it helps. Obviously, there's a lot more questions with this chapter, and I promise you'll get them all. There is so much more to this story -- remember, guys, we're only on the sixth chapter. ;D You're stick with UM for a little bit, trust me.

Plus, all the baby names made it so much easier. I think I've gotten it down to a couple, so I'll let you know -- I think I might put up a poll so all you can vote, in the end, because I'm just so indecisive like that. Hah.

...You know, if you review, I might update a little faster....

Just think about it. (;

Love,

Nicky


	8. Chapter Seven

Disclaimer: I own many things, but Twilight, unfortunately, is not one of them.

A/N: Whoah, guys. I almost have a thousand reviews, and there's really only seven chapters. You never do cease to amaze me, you know? Seriously. Hug yourselves, or something. I honestly wish I could give each of something awesome -- like Edward ice cream, hah -- but I can't. And that brings me to the next thing on my list to rant about and make extremely long author notes for. Reviews. I just want you all to know that I read, love, and smile at each and every single review I get for this story and every other story that I write. BUT. (Yes, there is a but. You saw this coming, so hush.) I can't reply to everyone, even though I wish I could. If there was a place that I could reply to all of you in at the same time and talk out your theories, I definitely would. Unfortunately, there isn't. :P

As it is, I really do appreciate your reviews. I say this a thousand times, and I'll it a thousand more. :)

Oh, and. Back to BPOV with this. Also...not my favorite chapter. Chances are, it won't be yours either.

Completely necessary. Please brace yourselves, and wait until AFTER to throw tomatos at me.

By the way, this is your daily update. I'm coming to my word. Eh? Ehh?

;)

* * *

I had a feeling something was going on when I got home from school that day and Alice wasn't there as she usually was, playing with the twins after their shorter school days. They had just started first grade this year in town, because for whatever reason, Uncle Laurent and Aunt Irina were definitely not returning anytime soon. I was told by Charlie that they were still travelling, trying to figure out the next stage in their life, or something of the sort. It might have worked for me, had I not experienced the last few months of my life. As it was, though, I had – it just sounded like a bunch of crap. They didn't want to deal with their problems head on, so they just ran.

Alice wasn't there to greet me at the door, but this time, Emmett was. He wasn't smiling like I was used to when I approached him, and that weird sense of unease filled me from the middle outward, curling into every single part of my body. Through thick and thin, I had always trusted Emmett to lighten any situation. While it had not helped much with this last week, he had been trying. Jokes and humor, however, did not do much help. If anything, it just made it worse.

Even though that was true and he knew it too, it was difficult to see him like this. I had never seen Emmett look so dead serious, and then I knew immediately something was wrong. I was about to question about everything I could, but he put up a hand to stop me. His face looked almost thoughtful, something I had never thought he was really capable of for an extended period of time, and then he sighed. His face scrunched, he sighed, and he looked away. Like he was defeated, and like trying wasn't even worth it anymore.

I knew that look well. I had worn that look more than once during the week, and I saw it mirrored on the faces of everyone that mattered to me. The twins were the only ones with bright faces anymore, their expressions mirroring the innocence, the nativiety. But they would learn. Sooner or later, everyone needed to learn, it was just a simple fact of life. Somewhere along the line, I had learned.

Most days, I did not feel like an eighteen year old senior in high school, but like a woman who had the weight of the world on their shoulders. Some way or another, I knew I had to keep holding that weight up.

"Em, what's wrong?" I questioned him, not quite sure if I wanted to know the answer. The look crossed his face again, but he refused to make eye contact with me, as if doing so would give away something vital. I don't know how long I waited for an answer before I repeated myself, but after a few seconds pause, I finally got my answer.

"Bella…something happened to Edward, and I don't want you to freak out on me, okay?" He said the words quietly, softly, as if he were attempting to communicate with a small child. He might as well have been, as coherent as I was. I tried and tried to process what he was telling me, but none of it really fit. It didn't make any sense. Why was he telling me about Edward? Just the name itself brought back the recent wounds I had worked myself to close, but the band-aids all ripped off at the mention.

It took longer than it should to put two and two together and register what he was trying to tell me, standing in front of my front door as he waited for some kind of response. His expression was worried, as if he expected me to explode, and to some extent, I wanted to. I don't know how long it was before the words finally clicked, and then I was desperate for answers.

In that moment, it didn't matter if I had not spoken to Edward for an entire week since we had broken up, and it didn't matter that he was acting in a way I did not understand. It didn't matter that he was becoming something I wanted nothing to do with, and it didn't even matter that we weren't together anymore. In that single second, fear worked its way through every single nerve in my body, sent a thousand messages, and then I understood.

"What happened?" I demanded him, sure my eyes were wide with the same kind of fear that I felt. He had to see it there, working and slowly building as the seconds ticked on, terribly slow and demanding my full attention. It wasn't right that I was just standing here, I told myself. I needed to be wherever he was, helping in any way that I could. This was the part of me I couldn't quiet down, even though I wanted to. This was the part of me that was hurting, the part that I could never quite shut up.

"He…he's here, Bella. Here in Forks, but it's not what you think. I don't want you to..." The words were hushed, and he looked, for just that second, just as vulnerable as I felt. I had thought it was impossible. Emmett was this huge presence, and it was extremely difficult for him to look anything but intimidating (until you knew him for what he was, anyway), let alone _vulnerable._ In that moment, though, that's what I saw. This wasn't the Emmett I knew.

The words sent a shock throughout my entire body, only egged on by the expression on his face. The hopeless expression that said he had given up, the one that said he couldn't have hidden this from me if he wanted to. I suddenly had a thousand questions and a million different actions, so much that my body was momentarily too overwhelmed to respond. None of it made any sense. Edward was here? Why was that a bad thing?

"Is he alright?" I struggled to ask, afraid of the answer I would get. I didn't really want to know, not really. I didn't want to know if he was hurt. I didn't want to think that the last words I had spoken to the boy I loved were angry profanities that I would never be able to repeat.

"He's fine, Bella. He's not hurt or anything." The words weren't convincing, but they were enough for now, enough to keep me in place. I shouldn't be reacting this way, part of me screamed out. I shouldn't even care. Then again, there was no way to make myself believe that. One way or another, it all came down to the very same thing.

Edward was here, and I wasn't with him. I needed to be. I needed to see him, even if he didn't love me anymore. I needed some closure, even if he couldn't give it to me. I needed to reach him, to kiss him one last time, even if he didn't return it. I needed to see him.

"Where is he?" Let me see him. God, I need to see him.

I didn't need to ask again, though, because my front door opened and the man who stepped out was one that I honestly did not recognize. He was not one that I had ever met, and the thought made me feel like sobbing all over again. His hair was neat and tamed, that same odd coloring but without its charm. He did not smile, and there was no crookedness. He was handsome, but not in the way that I remembered. His clothing was refined and modern – in fact, his white dress shirt and slacks could be a suit if he had a coat. He looked like he had just stepped out of a business meeting.

This wasn't my Edward. I almost felt like asking for his name and introducing myself, because for all I knew, I didn't know him. It hurt me to think that way, but that was how I felt. In that one moment, every fear I had just seconds before slipped away, replaced with this odd hollow.

"Bella." He didn't even speak my name the way he used to. It was like it took effort to get it out, like he had to work to spit out just that one single syllable. His eyes didn't appraise me like they usually did, he didn't chuckle and make some wise ass remark, he didn't swoop me into his arms and attack me the way my Edward would. Instead he just stood there, silent, tall. I didn't like it. By the look on Emmett's face, I could tell he didn't like it anymore than I did.

"Edward," I followed his lead, even though when I spoke it, even to my own ears, his name sounded like a plea. Come back to me, Edward, I told him with my eyes. Why are you doing this to me? I wasn't sure if he saw it, but he looked for a long time, as if fighting with himself. Bit by bit, though, he seemed to realize what he wanted.

"It's nice to see you." His words were polite, his smile matching. Somewhere along the line when I didn't answer he frowned, and Emmett made a frustrated, scoffing noise and moved into the house, giving me a meaningful look. I knew what he wanted to say. For the most part, I wholeheartedly agreed.

"Why are you here, Edward?" I managed to ground out, my voice harder than I think I meant for it to be. He didn't seem surprised, though. For a moment, I thought I even saw relief flashing through his eyes, as if he found comfort in the fact that I was irritated. He was relieved I didn't want him, as far as I saw it. He just wanted me gone, out of his life.

At least that was how I took it.

If he wanted me in, he would have never pushed me away.

"I came to see Alice." It was such a simple, easy answer, but in his words, I could tell they were true. He had not even come for me, in the end, not like I had expected him to. I wasn't really much to him at all, just some toy he had eventually gotten bored of. He had said he loved me, but he didn't know the half of it.

This wasn't how you treated someone you loved.

"Then why are you here?" I near shouted, impatient and frustrated. I had given him the longer piece of this on the phone, and I just didn't want to fight with him anymore. If he didn't want me, he didn't need to be here. If he didn't want to see me, then we could be done. If he wanted, he could walk right out of my life and I could tell myself over and over that I didn't care, because that was how I was discovering life is. "Why are you here, at my house?"

"Because…" He hesitated for a moment, looking thoughtful, and then he shook his head. Shook his head as if whatever he was thinking didn't matter, and let out a sigh. Ran his hands through his hair. I just wanted a straight answer. I just wanted the truth. He wasn't man enough to give it to me, though, it seemed. Maybe he never would be. "Because, damn it, Bella…"

That wasn't an answer.

"Why are you here?" I growled out again, repeating my question. He wasn't speaking, and if he wasn't, then I would. I needed my answers before he walked out, went back to Europe or wherever the hell else he wanted to go and acted as Carlisle's puppet. If he felt this is what he wanted, then he could take it. I would let him take it, because it just wasn't my place to stop him. I opened my mouth to continue, the last shred of patience and concern I had for him finally leaving me. This was the last straw.

"Why are you here, at my house, if you came to see Alice? Why did you come, if you just want to hurt me some more? Did you come to tell me something, or would you just like to fuck with my emotions some more, Edward? Either way, I don't want you here. I don't want you to hurt me anymore."

His eyes widened for just a moment, taken aback, and I almost used the moment to spit out something else, the anger talking for me. Before I got the chance, though, he opened his mouth. "Did you expect this to work, Bella? Did you expect me to go overseas and just come back the same man I was before?"

"Yes." That answer was harder to give, because I knew it had been the truth. I had worked so damn hard to make this work, and he hadn't even bothered. I wanted to know why, but I was afraid to ask. I really didn't want the truth, not when it only hurt me more. Every second I saw him like this, standing in front of me with that emotionless mask…it just made the pieces scatter even more. I wasn't sure how long it would take to put me back together.

"Well, then you're naïve," he snapped back at me, returning my glare with narrowed eyes and a look I had never before seen on his beautiful face. I did not know this Edward at all, I realized, and I didn't want to. I didn't want to find out what was wrong with him. I didn't want to help him. I just wanted him gone. "Things change, Bella! People change. It's a natural part of life."

I can't believe he had the nerve to lecture me, as if I was some child. I was not, and I could show him now. Why he might think he changed, I knew he hadn't. I also knew that I had.

I had to laugh then at both my thoughts and his words, a cold and bitter laugh. He really didn't get it, even after all of this time. All the times I had tried to pick him up and help him, to get him to see reasoning. He had always been a follower, doing exactly as others told him to do. He didn't get it. I thought I had found it. I thought I had brought him out.

I had fallen in love with Edward, but this wasn't him. This was a cold-hearted bastard, a perfect carbon copy of his father, a man I was, without even meaning to, beginning to hate.

I couldn't love this man. There wasn't a chance in hell I could even begin to like him, in all honesty. I didn't want him.

"That's where you're wrong, Edward," I told him quietly, wishing there was a way to get him to understand. I didn't want to be reasoning with him, not when the anger boiled hot through every single part of me, not when my mind swam with insults just bubbling on my tongue. "You haven't changed at all. You're just the same person you were in high school. Nothing has changed."

I thought I had changed him, but maybe I hadn't. I had thought it would be enough to keep us together, to keep him the way he should be, the way I loved him, but maybe it wasn't. In the end, maybe it was never enough. In the end, maybe trying just led to disappointment. I honestly couldn't handle anymore of that, not really.

"I have changed," he countered, shaking his head. He looked at me with a different expression on his face now, one I couldn't even begin to fathom. When he began speaking, his voice was rough and quiet, and for just a second, I saw that same relief in his eyes. "I've changed because I've finally become a man. I've become what my father wants me to be. He didn't even give me the time of day before. He wouldn't look at me. He wasn't around like he is now, and I can tell he's proud of me –"

I laughed again, that same hollowed out laugh. It didn't sound like me, but it couldn't scare me anymore. Maybe this was me now. Sometimes, I couldn't even tell. "That's what your father wants you to be. What do you want to be, Edward?"

He didn't answer for a while, and when he did, it was just the answer I had been dreading, and the very final thread that needed to be broken.

"Maybe this is what I want, Bella. Maybe I just didn't see it." He took a breath and looked away, frustrated, confused. I didn't want to see it, so I turned away from him, too. "You don't get what it's like. My father…he's never cared enough to hang around like this. I've always done whatever I can to make him see me. I got the best grades in the class, I did sports, I got into a prestigious college, but it was never enough. When he talks to me now, though, I know he's proud. It makes me feel like I'm in the right place."

He sounded so convinced, but I knew better. Bit by bit, I could see what was happening, right in front of my eyes. It burned me and made it difficult to speak, but when I turned to him, despite not meaning to, there were tears in my eyes. "Is that who you want to be like? Like your father?" I asked him quietly, my voice cracked. I sounded like a little girl he had just treated me like, and I couldn't find it in myself to care or to change it. "Do you want to leave your family behind, turn your back on the ones you love? Do you want to put work before everything else in your life, like it all just doesn't matter? Is that what you want, Edward?"

For some reason, I felt like these were the words he was waiting for, and I couldn't figure out why. Part of me just didn't care.

I demanded this of him, and once again that mask was back. He stared at me for a long time, and then he took a breath. Everything was gone from his eyes, and suddenly he was very still. There was silence between us, and then he let out a chuckle, shaking his head. It was out of place and disconcerting, and it only made it worse when he opened his mouth.

"I kissed my dad's secretary at a company party, Bella."

The words took time to sink in, but once they did, I knew what was coming.

That was all it took.

SMACK.

Right across the cheek my hand struck him, my eyes wide and full of tears that I just couldn't hold back. I don't know what moved me, but somehow I was slamming the door in his face, screaming out insults and profanities and anything else I could throw at him. When he continued to stand there in front of my door I opened it and gave him everything I could, screaming and kicking and punching and crying, and knowing I really wasn't hurting him. I wanted to, though. I really, truly wanted to.

"I hate you! I hate you! Just go, please! Just go!"

He just stood there, though, silent, letting me hit him, letting me scream at him. He let me do it all, and then he grabbed my wrists and held them, shaking his head. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Bella."

And when he walked off my front porch, I only had one thing to say.

"Go to hell, Edward!"

* * *

A/N: So, what did you think? First of all, yes, it was completely necessary to the story, and you'll see how.

To answer a few questions, I'll just fire off the top of my head the ones I remember being the most popular and asked - if I forgot your question, go ahead and hit me and I'll do my best to get it out next author's note.

Yes, there will be some Rosalie later on in the story. And yes, she is Jasper's twin sister.

Yes, there will be more Jake. No, he will not be Bella's love interest.

No, I will not tell you the sex of Alice's baby, no matter how hard you beg. :P

No, I will not tell you if this is a happy ending or not. Stick with me, guys. It's gonna be a long ride. Like I said, plenty more of UM to go.

Yes, I am aware my Edward is an ass in my story, but be patient with him. There's a reason, and it is definitely not the one that is mentioned in this chapter. There's a lot more to him than you think...trust me, this story is more complicated later on than even I thought it would be. I go way, way, way deeper than YGL! did, so brace yourselves, guys.

Unfortunately, yes, he's the worst kind of ass at the moment. He's the ass that doesn't even realize he's an ass. Ever hear the saying, "the worst kind of bad person is the one that thinks their good"?

I like to call him Obliviward.

As for the chapter...I have no commentary. I do have to say, though, that some of you saw this coming.

And as for the question I'm bound to get, 'IS EDWARD CHEATING ON BELLA?! HOW COULD HE?!'

...Well, you'll just have to see. Promise it's not what you think. ;D Also promise it's more complex than, "She kissed me."

Hang in there, loves.

Yours,

Nicky


	9. Chapter Eight

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Twilight, still. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

A/N: So, as far as I'm concerned, you're pretty lucky you're getting this update. ;D Today's my birthday. Hah, yeah, it's the big twenty first and I've got plans, which is probably why I'm updating so early. I did have this written before hand, though, so it wasn't like it was much of a chore to get it up. I guess you can consider this a guilt trip, then. (Except for the fact I just admitted it was, so technically it isn't. I honestly confuse myself sometimes, yes.) But besides that, yes! I really did want to get this up for you guys. :) I actually got people threatening me to update. I'm not sure if that's supposed to flatter me or scare me. I'll go with both!

Andd. As for this chapter, well. It's EPOV, like so many of you asked for. I kind of laughed every time I read a review asking for it, because I knew you were going to get it. :P So, yay for all of you who wanted it? I got a bunch of questions, though, which may or may not be answered by this chapter.

...Most of them won't be. Not really, anyway. Just giving you a little heads up. Also, let me just address the people yelling at me for putting a little bit of imperfection into Edbella's lives...

Guys, I like being realistic. I really, really hate the happily-ever-after, unrealistic little love story I read all the time. I'm going to be honest, I love angst. Love it. I write it more often than I write fluff, to be honest again. xD Go read my other stories. Not a single one without a little bit of angst, maybe minus AYCDICDB -- but that story was meant to be fluffy and funny form the beginning, so hah. Read NDM, Crumbling Walls and Growing Pains/Between the Lines and then tell me I don't like the angst. Hah. I'm sorry if this upsets some of you, but I can promise that, no, this isn't going to be a 'let's put as much angst into one story and see what happens' plot. :) I promise, guys. Like I said, hang in there. I do like the angst, and I do like the problems, but mostly ever single problem that happens to this characters is due to their pasts, their actions, or their thoughts. Therefore, it's not just me playing god.

No, there won't be a thousand different car accidents, just because I want there to be a problem and I'm running out of things to run about.

On another note...yes, I am human, and yes, I make mistakes. Sometimes I rush and don't edit.

I think I need a beta. Haha, it took me a long time to admit that. ;)

Think you're up for the job? Send me a PM, and I'd love to give it a go. I am begging here, guys. Typos are beginning to annoy me, because I can't find them...I guess I read over it? I try, guys. Spell check is my friend, but it doesn't catch everything, and neither do I, no matter how many times I attempt to edit alone.

And, that concludes this freaking novel of an AN. Have fun in Edwardville, guys, this is your stop!

* * *

I wish I knew what I was doing. I wish I had any clue where I was headed now, and which road I eventually wanted to take. It wasn't even months ago that I knew exactly, and there hadn't been even a single doubt in my mind. Every single thing I did all led up to one single point. I knew what I wanted, and to some extent, I even knew how I wanted to get there. I had a dream, and I was willing to work to make that reality. Just a month or two ago, I had been so sure of myself, of my feelings, of everyone else around me. It hadn't taken much to make it all come crumbling down.

Since I was a little kid, I knew what I wanted to do. Before Carlisle ran his company with Esme – I'm not exactly sure of the story that got them there, and I never really had the chance to ask them – he was a doctor. A prestigious and well-known doctor, nonetheless. When I was a little boy, before Alice was born, he used to tell me of all the lives he used to save, and the things he used to do to help people. It intrigued me, and to a point, it inspired me.

Things changed in high school. I got swept up in peer pressure and my own desire to be noticed. I became a molding of what everyone else around me wanted to be, but it all came down to one single revelation. I wanted people to see me as that. I wanted people to see me as perfect, flawless. I wanted them to look at me and see what I saw in my father, and what my father saw in me. I don't know how long I hid who I really was, but that all came crumbling when I met a girl who showed me that it didn't matter.

It took a long time for me to realize that I wasn't perfect, and  
I never really could be. I couldn't be my father's image of me, and I also couldn't be my friend's. I couldn't do the things they wanted me to and still be happy, because little by little, I started to lose myself. I got pulled under and farther and farther into the spiral until even I wasn't sure who I was; the only thing that kept me going was the simple fact that someone else did. Up to a point, though, it didn't really matter. I didn't even know that person.

Again, that all came crumbling when I met a girl. She was everything and more, everything that I wanted, everything I had been searching for. When I looked at her, it was like I knew who I was. When I talked to her, everything made sense and fit together like some jigsaw puzzle I hadn't been able to solve on my own. In every sense of the word, she was my other half. She had been the one who had understood me, and the one I had wanted to be with. She had shown me myself, and I had wanted to give her the world and more for that.

Her name was Bella, but just like everything in my life, things had to crumble.

I'm not sure how I managed to deal with the fact that Alice was pregnant, and I'm not sure how I managed to leave for college even through all of that. It didn't seem right to leave my family there, especially not after we had just gotten them back. Dartmouth was the college of my dreams. It had the classes I wanted, the professors I needed…but it didn't feel right, not in the end. I had this sense that I belonged somewhere else. I had this idea that I needed to help.

Alice and I had never been close. More or less, we chose to ignore each other all through our childhood. It was for more reason than one. There was always that little reminder that, if I got close to her, I might need to tell her the truth. In the end, it all came down to a single point, just like my entire life. From the beginning, I believe we all have a single destiny. It's just the way life works, in the end. You can sway and flail all you want, but perhaps I was just a fool to deny it. Maybe I just didn't see it myself, not for what it was.

Needless to say, when Carlisle asked me to watch the company while he and Esme stayed with Alice, I didn't think at all, I just acted. I had wanted to help then. I had wanted to help her, to help the family I was never involved in. At that point in time, I had believed that I could fit everything together like the jigsaw puzzle of my life, and somehow manage to balance. I thought I could keep family, my goals, and the love of my life all wrapped up in this nice little package.

It wasn't long before I realized that all the pieces just didn't fit together, not perfectly, not at all. It didn't work that way. I struggled for weeks to fit all those little pieces together and somehow push them, mold them into the ideal little image I had in my mind. I would go to a meeting and rush to the phone to talk to Bella for however long I could, just to hear the sound of her voice. I would struggle to keep a business talk with Carlisle on the phone and send a two page email, and somehow still make it to the next place I had to run off to. I would do anything I could.

After a while, the phone calls were scarce, because the only one I talked to were business associates. After a while, people began to refer to me as 'Mr. Cullen' instead of Edward, as if I was already taking over for my father. After a while, my emails were speaking about business deals and savings, and when they weren't, they were two sentences speaking about absolutely nothing. There was nothing to speak about anymore. I don't know what I was doing.

All I know is, I felt like I did in high school. This is where it all began, I guess. I got so pulled under that I couldn't find the surface, and I'm not even sure if I wanted to. After a while, I wasn't even looking for a way to fit the puzzle pieces together, because I didn't think it mattered. None of it did, really. Just like in the beginning of high school, I was losing myself, seeing in the mirror what others wanted to see in me. I liked their praise, and I liked their encouragement. After a while, 'Mr. Cullen' sounded natural, as if I had been called that all along.

I still thought about Bella. God, every damn night I thought about Bella. There wasn't anything in the world that could stop me from thinking about her, not in the end. It all came down to the fact that I loved her, more than I think is even humanly possible. I love her because she's everything I want, but she's also everything I need. Just a day with Bella and I'd have what I need to snap out of this little daze I was in, and I knew that, somehow. Bella was the only one that could do that to me. Make me re-think. Make me realize. She had done it before.

Every little second I thought about her, because she was the thing I hung onto. I thought about what she was doing while I was sitting in those meetings. When I got home (or, back to the penthouse I lived in, huge and completely empty), I used to type that into my emails. I'd ask how she was, what she was doing. I asked if she was happy, and if she missed me. I told her I missed her. I told her about every little thing I did and how it made me feel, no matter how silly or how trivial, because that's how we were. I typed all these things in, smiling to myself at the words I made, and then I went to hit send…

And I couldn't do it. Backspace, delete, gone. All of it, down to the part I told her how much I loved her, though how she'd forget was beyond me.

'Fine, Bella. How are you?' Send. 'Sincerely, Edward.' After a while, it was just a dash and my name. That was it. I'd send it, and I'd hate it every damn time I did it, but I'd never be able to stop. Not really. Further and further I was pulled, until I couldn't even begin to see the light.

I didn't even understand how I felt, but when I talked to my father, for just a second or two, it all made sense. In his voice, I heard something I never expected to hear. Something I never imagined I'd be able to hear from him. When he spoke to me about business and the things I needed to do for the day, I knew he sounded formal and just like he had every other day of my life, but at the end, he told me he was proud. Really, truly proud of me. He told me I was the son he had always wanted, and I was everything he knew I could become. And I smiled.

I smiled because he didn't know the real me, and he never would. I smiled because I was oblivious to what was going around me, and part of me wanted to be. I smiled because I was letting everything crumble around me, and I wasn't helping anyone, just screwing them around a bit. I smiled because when Emmett came – at Alice's request – to knock some sense into me, God, I still didn't get it.

I still don't get it, to be completely honest. Down to the very last point, I don't get it, and I can't make perfect sense of it. I don't know if I want to.

I don't know why I did what I did. I don't know how to explain my actions. I'm sure it's a few things, somehow all rolled up into one. I'm betting on that. It all comes down to one thing, though. I'm like this because I chose to be. All through high school it was the very same story. I was who everyone else wanted me to be, and I never did what I wanted. I never showed them who I was. There was one single person who encouraged me to be that person, and one single person who truly knew.

That was a girl named Bella, who had done everything in my power to push away, because in the end, I knew I would disappoint her. I didn't know how to be Edward, and that was who Bella wanted, impossibly, against odds. I wasn't perfect, and I couldn't be, but there would never be a day that I wouldn't stop trying. I would try and try and try to see that pride in my dad's eyes, and there would never be a time when I wouldn't.

I was drowning, flailing, searching, but maybe I shouldn't have even tried. When I saw that girl at that company party – when she came over to me, I saw myself in her. It was like this instinct that I couldn't fight. She looked lost, like she didn't belong, wandering like she didn't know where she was. I saw her during the day. I saw how confident she was. I saw the way she acted. I knew better, though.

Bella was innocent, pure, beautiful, and stronger than she knew. She was everything I had ever wanted in a girl, and she knew exactly who she was. She stood by that person, and never did she get lost. Bella knew.

I didn't. That girl at that party, she didn't either. I don't know what it was that I felt when I talked to her. It wasn't love. It wasn't even attraction. I knew it wouldn't become anything, and I didn't want it to. Something snapped in me though, something I couldn't contain. She was leaning forward, and I knew it wasn't right.

Her hair was this corn starch blond, her eyes were this wrong, pale blue, her cheeks were too hollow, her lips were too thin, her nose was too pointy – I knew it wasn't Bella. It couldn't even come close to Bella. But when she leaned forward, I reached out and closed the gap, and then we were kissing. We were lost. I was lost, she was lost, but there was hope. I don't know that girl's name. If I knew it, I forgot it.

There was nothing there. There were no electric sparks like when I was kissing Bella, no fanfare and no fireworks. It wasn't love, and it wasn't even lust. It wasn't anything. It was just a girl. I was just a boy. Maybe that was what it all bubbled down to, in the end. We were alike. There was equality there, something I didn't feel when I was with Bella. Bella knew who she was, and I didn't. I needed to learn, but I still didn't know how. Maybe I hadn't learned at all.

I felt sick. I felt guilty. I felt like a monster, and maybe that's who I am. Maybe that's who I'm supposed to be. As I walked past Carlisle's office, the door was open, and I saw the smile on his lips.

"I'm proud of you, son," he spoke. "You're a fine young man. I raised you well."

I don't know why, but suddenly the praise didn't seem so wonderful anymore.

--

Alice and I were sitting on the couch, but I knew she wanted to be elsewhere. If she had the strength to get up and walk away, I knew she would. She wanted to scream and fight with me, but I wouldn't let her. The baby growing inside of her was getting bigger every day, the due date approaching right before our eyes. I didn't know what would happen then, but I wondered where my place was. Did I even belong in the waiting room, when I knew how much she resented me now? I saw that look in her eyes, the same I had seen in Bella's. I refused to look at it, to remember it. It was better to forget it, in the end.

"I want to show you something." She spoke quietly, and I had to turn to look. It wasn't anything like the angry, irritated tone she had used with me before when she berated me for my actions at Bella's, but somehow it relieved me. If there was even the slightest chance I could fix whatever relationship I had with her, I knew I would take it. One step at a time, I suppose. "It's important."

I think I nodded, but I couldn't be sure. She rose from the couch quickly and, with difficultly, much to my concern, leaned down by the television in our living room and grabbed a tape. I watched with open curiosity as she put it in the VCR and turned it on, confused but not speaking. I got my answer when she nodded her head toward the TV, demanding I watch, before waddling back over to the couch and sitting down.

I smiled, because I knew what we were watching.

That smile was quick to fade.

"_Daddy! Daddy, look at me!" _Little Alice called, five and bouncy. She looked adorable, little bows in her hair, short and just to her shoulders. Carlisle laughed a bit at her antics as she jumped up and down, and then he turned to leave, right on his heel. There were papers in his hands, obviously catching his attention more than his own daughter ever could. He left her in the dust, as if she didn't matter, as if she wasn't even worth the time.

"_Daddy, wait! Don't you want to see me?" _the little girl in the video attempted to get his attention, eyes wide with excitement as Esme laughed behind the camera. _"Look, I can do a cartwheel! Look!"_

Carlisle didn't stop. He kept walking, as if too busy, and then he turned around and instructed that Esme turned off the camera, as if he was embarrassed. He was embarrassed that his daughter wanted him to pay attention to her, embarrassed that she didn't seem to realize that to work was more important than she ever could be.

What I saw next hurt more than I was willing to believe. Even when I knew the truth, the truth I've hidden in myself for the last thirteen years of my life, I still didn't want to believe it. Right in front of me, I watched it happen, my entire childhood flashing as if demanding my attention. I knew Alice was watching me carefully, but I couldn't find it in me to look.

"_Dad, do you want to play baseball with me_?" I heard myself ask, my voice quiet and meek, as if I already knew the answer. I must have been around eight years old, a backwards baseball cap around my head, a ball in my hands. Nevertheless, I looked eager. Excited. As if this time, it would be different. I already knew Carlisle's answer before he opened his mouth in the video, and I almost had the urge to turn it off.

"_Not today, son,"_ Carlisle's voice spoke, clear and distracted. He mumbled something under his breath, then waved his hand as if shooing me away. _"Go find Alice, maybe she'll play with you."_ It was dismissive, not a real suggestion.

"_But, Dad!"_ I whined, not seeming to take the hint. _"Alice plays with dolls! She can't play baseball!"_

I got no response. Disgusted with both myself and the man on the TV who I had always idolized, I grabbed the remote and switched it off, not catching Alice's face. She asked me where I was going, but I couldn't answer. I knew exactly what I needed to do now.

--

The music wouldn't come. I ran my fingers over the keys over and over and over again, but nothing came out. Over and over I tried to play, sighing in frustration each and every single time. I don't know when it was that I gave up, but I know that I went to my room. I know for a long time I just sat there, until finally I had an idea. I don't know why I did it, but I signed on to my messenger for the first time in a very long time.

What I found was exactly what I needed.

**Playingthekeys**: I need to talk to Bells. Please just let her be here, for five minutes.

**Ringingbells**: She's always been here, you just haven't wanted to talk to her.

I smiled bitterly at that as I typed. I knew it was the truth.

**Playingthekeys**: Is she here now? Can I just rant at her like I used to? I need her right now. I need her to listen.

**Ringingbells**: I'm online, aren't I, Keys? Just spit it out. Bells is listening. Bella is another story.

**Playingthekeys**: That's what I want right now.

I didn't give her time to respond.

**Playingthekeys**: I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I want. I always think I do, but then I end up getting confused. I want to be perfect. I want to be worth it. All my life, I've never been enough. It's always been almost there or not good enough. I've wanted to be the star player, the best in class. I wanted to be a doctor, but I also want to make my father proud. I love playing piano, but I was always afraid of what my friends might think. It was always, 'What will he think?' or 'How will he react?' 'What would she do if I said this, or did this?'

**Ringingbells**: Why don't you stop caring? Why don't you see that you're enough if you're just you?

**Playingthekeys**: I'm not enough for my dad. I'm not enough for myself. I want to be something. I want to do everything, at the same time. I want to be worth something, to help, to find myself. I've changed so many times I don't even know who I am.

**Ringingbells**: You've never changed for me. You've always been the same. Is it so hard to believe you're that person? Is it so hard to believe you were that person all along?

**Playingthekeys**: I still don't know who that is.

**Ringingbells**: God, how dense are you? How stupid can you be? It's not that difficult! The guy that I know is hilarious, caring, selfless. He puts others before himself. He's intelligent, a little old-fashioned. He's romantic, and he's laid-back. He's talented, and he's …

**Playingthekeys**: He's what?

**Ringingbells**: He's perfect. To me, he was perfect.

**Playingthekeys**: Was?

**Ringingbells**: Yes, was. The person he is now is not the person that I fell in love with. He's not the person that I know and talked to and trusted. He's not even close to that person. He's just a mold of what his father wants him to be, a broken piece of what his friends wished for before, too. He's just this broken kid who doesn't understand, doesn't get it. I've spent so much time trying to drill it into his thick head that he doesn't need to be anything else, but he doesn't get it.

**Playingthekeys**: Was he really that bad?

**Ringingbells**: He's an impersonal asshole, and I couldn't love him if he was the last person on earth. He kicked me down and then kicked me some more, and he hurt me more than I even thought possible. He asked me to marry him, and then he just let me hang.

**Playingthekeys**: It's not enough that this person is sorry, is it?

**Ringingbells**: No. Sorry just isn't good enough, not anymore. This person still doesn't get it.

**Playingthekeys**: This person is trying.

**Ringingbells**: I'm not sure if this person can change. I'm not sure if he'll ever get it.

**Playingthekeys**: Neither is he.

**Ringingbells**: He can talk to me when he's ready.

**Playingthekeys**: This person has always loved you more than you can even understand.

**Ringingbells**: I wish I could say the same back, but I don't know if it's true or not.

**Playingthekeys**: I love you, Bella..

**Ringingbells**: Bella isn't talking to you, remember?

**Playingthekeys**: I know. I figured you could pass on the message, though.

**Ringingbells**: Bella says she wants to love you, too. Bella was always there, you just chose to ignore her.

_**Ringingbells** has signed off._

* * *

A/N: Yepp, I went back to the good ol' instant messenging. You gotta love it, it serves its purpose.

So, how did you guys like a little glimpse into Edward's mind? Yay, nay? Like I always, always say, I love your feedback. I love when you give me these long reviews telling me what I did right, what I did wrong, what I could have done better. I love seeing what you thought, your predictions, etc. Like I said, I wish I could personally discuss it with all of you, but i can't, because there's no way to do that. ): But still. Thank you for each and every single review.

...And that brings us to the next issue.

Guys, I wrote something in a future chapter that bumps this little story from T to M. Haha. And no, it's not just language, because I know I did a lot of that in NDM/Crumbling Walls, if you read that. It is even those little half things I wrote there which could -- by someone very innocent, I guess -- be considered sensual. Nope. I went all out. And here's the problem. I've had people begging me not to bump the story up because then they wouldn't be able to read it, etc., etc...so I fought hard to cut it out, and when I couldn't (because, God, I got a little attached), I decided to try and transfer whatever happened to a part where everyone could read. So this leaves me with a problem. I could just make a warning, so you guys don't need to read it if you don't want to...Or I could just make it a seperate story, as an extra. A lot more difficult, but it would keep the rating.

Either way, I thought I would warn you guys. It's not coming soon, but it's there...I guess you can consider that a roundabout spoiler, huh? :P

And.

I leave you on that note, asking you to review like I always do.

...If I don't update tomorrow, you can safely assume I had just a little too much fun tonight. ;) (But I am a little busy tomorrow, so if I don't, then you can just expect that every-other-day thing is popping in for effect.)

Love you all!

-Nicky


	10. Chapter Nine

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything, obviously. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

A/N: So, yes, this is a little late, isn't it? :P Or a lot late. I know I promsied daily updates, but I failed miserably at that. It doesn't mean I'll keep you hanging for a whole other month, but this was also a little longer than it will normally take. Please keep in mind that my schedule is CRAZY, and sometimes I just can't get on the computer and update, but I try! Anyway, I hope you don't hold it against me, haha. I really do care about my readers, and it means so much to me that you're sticking with me!

Anyway, go ahead and read. I've got less rambling than usual, actually, hehe.

* * *

Change was inevitable in life, but more and more I was finding that I resented it. I liked feeling a sense of stability, and I had always been that way. I didn't like when things were altered, whether for better or for worse. I had trouble adapting on more than one account, actually. When I moved to Forks from the sunny and hot Arizona, for instance, I had instantly hated it. I hadn't opened up well to the other students in my class, and the only reason I had not been friendless throughout my late elementary days was because of Alice, who was the only one who saw me through. I hated the rain, and I longed for the sun. I didn't like feeling cold in the winters, and I longed for the heat. The predictable weather was tiring, and all I had wanted was to see my mother every day like I had before.

After a while, though, it became the opposite. I got used to seeing my father everyday, and the rain became the norm. I liked sitting in it after a while, and to a certain extent, it even became calming. When I laid down at night, the rain no longer kept me up, but put me to sleep. I could close my eyes and hear the rain gently tapping my window, and it always worked perfectly. I had never liked the rain before, but it was a constant, and it was what I had grown accustomed to. I knew well enough now that moving back to sunny Arizona now would make me uncomfortable -- if even only for a little while -- and that made me wonder. How much of this discomfort was from my own fears, and not from the events going on around me?

All the same, it did not seem as if a normal person would not feel the same way I did. I had been told this much by those around me, and to a point, it was beginning to irritate me. It did not help that I was being told I was abnormally good at keeping myself together, nor that I was a brave girl to put myself in the middle of this. I knew that, to a point, it was correct. Many people I knew would not put themselves in the middle of this chaos, this family that was struggling. In their own ways, they all had their own problems, problems that it was not my job to fix. I did not have to help them, but I knew I had to try anyway, even if none of it was my business. It did not make me self-sacrificing, nor did it make me selfless. It was just what I needed to do to keep myself sane, at this point.

Alice had been my best friend in elementary, middle school, and throughout high school. She had been there every time that I had needed her without fail, seen me through the good, the bad, and the ugly. I could trust her with any secret (besides the one that included her brother, which I had fought to keep from her at all costs), tell her anything, count on her to make me feel better, lean on her when I wasn't strong enough, and count on her to be there. Alice was always there. She was always with me, constantly by my side. We were the dynamic duo, even though we were nothing alike. Alice loved to shop and party, and I found that I enjoyed nothing more than a good book and a comfortable chair. Somehow, though, we had worked together. We had made it through.

It seemed impossible that every day there was a wedge driving us farther apart, making it hard to see what we had been beforehand. Every day we talked less, even though it was killing me not to open my mouth and start the conversation. When I tried, it died off seconds later when all I was able to give were one word replies to her dead, detached remarks. I could see her changing, altering, and after a while, she wasn't my best friend anymore. She did not smile the way I was used to, she did not laugh. She had no desire to do the things she had once loved, and everyday she talked less. Every day she was changing, and I wasn't sure I could take it. There was one thing that was keeping me sane now, one thing I had, as of late, never expected.

Edward and I spoke everyday, but never in person. We did not talk on the phone, we did not meet. Sometimes we would come across each other when I was around the house, but there was nothing but a friendly smile on his part. I never knew how to react. Unfortunately, though, I needed him. I needed him more than I needed everyone else, because he was the one who understand. I had told him everything and anything. When I needed advice that Alice could not give me, I always went to him, before I had even truly known him. He knew everything about me, even the tiny, insignificant little things, and I knew everything about him. We knew each other's fears, our limits, our hopes. We knew each other's likes, dislikes, pet peeves… favorite color, favorite food, favorite band, favorite song, all down to the tiny detail of which hand we held our knife in. We knew everything, and he was the only one who could help me.

We went under the pretense that we were just online friends talking, and while we called each other by name, it did not seem like it. This was not the robotic Edward I had been met with as of late, after all. This was a different man. This was a wonderful, talented, hilarious man, and the one I had fallen in love with. Without even thinking I was falling all over again, and it hardly took anytime at all. Without even trying he was winning back my trust, making me believe every word that he said. It was not to say that I had forgiven him, but it also did not mean that I never would. He was trying, and I could see that. He was trying to change, and though I wasn't sure if he could, I wasn't going to put it against him.

I was waiting outside for Emmett like I always did after school, leaning against the wall, when I saw what would change everything all over again. It didn't seem like much, for it was something everyone in the school had probably seen more than once, but it caught my attention. I knew the voices shouting at each other, and immediately I was filled with curiosity I couldn't contain. What were they doing here? My bag was on the ground as I bent to pick it up, and I didn't really mean to eavesdrop. It wasn't really my fault Jasper and Rosalie Hale had decided to park where I was standing, and it also wasn't my fault that they hadn't noticed I was standing there. I stood there quietly as they screamed at each other, and I wondered if they cared -- if they noticed I was watching, would they stop?

"I'm not cheating on her!" Jasper was screaming, obviously trying to keep his voice hushed. His words sent a shock through me and all I could do was stare, recalling Alice's words. _"He's do detached… it's like something's changed." _I knew it wasn't any of my business, and I also knew that I shouldn't put my head where it didn't belong, but to some extent, it was my business. Alice was my best friend, and we had always been there for each other. No matter what, I wasn't going to stop now.

"Like hell you're not!" Rosalie was screaming back, but I could not see her. Her angry voice pierced through me as I listened, and for a moment, I wondered why she even bothered to care. She had never liked Alice -- she was always Edward's annoying kid brother, and she had made it perfectly clear now that she despised Edward for doing what no other opinion-less, salivating boyfriend was able to -- and I along with her. Now, though, it seemed like she was utmost importance. "Are you pretending like it's not happening, then? You meet her every damn day Jasper, it's not like I can't see it! It's not like she's not always by the house, or calling your phone!"

That had me pressing against the wall, straining to hear more. Is this what had changed Jasper, then? Instantly I was filled with anger, but I knew better than to make myself known. If I needed to, I'd just need to corner him later and get the real answers out of him, because I knew there had to be something I wasn't getting. Jasper, even through all of this, loved Alice, and I knew he wouldn't do this to her. I was praying he wouldn't do this to her.

"Yeah, I do! Maria's been my friend for a long time, it's not like it's a damn crime to see her! It's not like I'm ready for any of this!" he shouted back, the anger apparent in his own voice. There was a dramatic, exaggerated sigh, and then he was speaking again, fast, as if he was rushing to get it all out. "Rosalie, I asked you to drive me here so I could talk to Bella and straighten things out, and if you don't like it, then why the hell did you even come?"

"I came to get you to get your priorities straight!" Rosalie was screaming back, and I wasn't even sure if I reacted then. I was against the wall, completely immobile, waiting to think, waiting to feel. It never happened. I was left standing there, trying to sort through everything. Jasper had wanted to talk to me? Did it ever occur to him he could speak directly to Alice? It finally clicked that all those nights Alice waited for Jasper to show and hadn't -- all those nights she had given the excuse of work, family, and perfectly good, justifiable excuses -- he had been with Maria. Finally, everything made sense to me. "You're going to be a _father_, Jasper! A father! I'm not sure if you realize how big that is, but --"

"I never asked for it! I tried to deal with it, and I can't!" he was shouting back immediately, cutting her off and rushing all over again. I was physically shaking with my anger, wanting nothing more than to make him see what he was doing. Not only was he hurting himself, but he was hurting _Alice._ Alice, my best friend, who never deserved any of this. All of the sudden, I was sick to the very pit of my stomach. "I can't be a father, Rose. I'm not old enough to be a father, even! Alice and I had this fantasy… this fantasy that we'd be able to do it, somehow. We'd get this pretty little house in the middle of nowhere and we'd make it work, but it's not going to be like that, Rose. I can't be that person. I wasn't ready for it when Maria asked, and I'm not ready for it now."

"Well isn't that just too damn bad!" I heard the last scream as I began walking away, forcing the tears back with everything I could. "You should have thought about that before you forgot the protection, you asshole!"

When I found Emmett, he suggested that we go get ice cream on the way home, and after a few tries, he gave up trying to persuade me. I wasn't budging. He asked if I wanted to go right home, but I told him no to that, too. I knew what I wanted. I knew who I wanted. When we pulled up to the Cullen house, all I could do was thank him, smile even though I wanted to cry, hug him, and then run into the house. I saw Esme's confused face when I ran straight past the living room where Alice was waiting and up the stairs, knowing exactly where I needed to be.

* * *

The sounds of broken notes unmistakable, and yet it confused the hell out of me. Edward was always unnaturally good at holding the tune, and even when he was first trying out the song, it was nothing like this. A note, off-key and out of tune, would sound sporadically every few moments, and for a while, I hesitated with my hand at the doorknob. I could hear his frustrated grunts and sighs every now and then, and I wondered what was bothering him, also wondering if I cared to ask. I wondered if I was ready for this, and I wondered if it was the right thing to do. I wondered why the broken notes seemed to fit my current personality, and then I decided I didn't care. It took more than ten minutes before I finally opened the door, surprised at the sight I found.

Edward was bent over the keys, muttering curses under his breath as he attempted one last night, seemingly unaware that I had stepped through the door. For a while I did not say anything, wondering if I'd catch his attention eventually, but I never did. He'd mumble, attempt, mumble, attempt, but he never seemed to get it right. After a while of the same routine, I finally seemed to find my voice and opened my mouth.

"Edward?" My voice was almost timid as I spoke his name and I found, despite wishing that I didn't, that it still slipped off as sweetly as it always had. There was still the thrill of just being able to say it out loud, and in any other situation, I might have smiled. This time, though, I didn't. This time I wasn't able to, and each passing second had me closer and closer to the edge.

His head immediately snapped up, and he definitely looked surprised. Nonetheless, though, there was a smile that spread across his lips, a reaction I was sure was not voluntary, at just the sight of me, and for a moment or two, it made me want to smile as well. Before I even though I was moving across the room towards him, closing the door behind me, behind me, and walking over to him. When I got close enough, without even thinking I knew, he moved over on the piano bench to allow me to sit, and, after a moment's hesitation, I did.

"I need Keys," It told him honestly, though I did not know what to say. This could not wait until later when I was on the computer, when we always talked, and I didn't want it to. I needed him now, and I needed him, more than just a computer screen, a couple typed words in a window. With that same sad smile he pulled me toward him and put an arm around me, and then I fell apart. I fell apart because of the conversation I had overheard, because I knew Alice had been right. I fell apart because Alice was hurting, and I couldn't fix her. I fell apart because that baby was going to be lost the second it was born, and I didn't know what would happen to him or her. I fell apart because being in his arms felt so right that it hurt, because I wanted nothing more to deny it.

"I'm not ready for…" I managed to get out through my ears, but he hushed me, pulling me closing and stroking his fingers slowly down my back, soothingly, treating me as if I was a breakable china doll. He rocked me gently on the piano bench, and all I could do was sob into his chest as he did so.

"Shh," he whispered softly, his hands never stopping, his body always rocking. "Just let my be your friend, Bella. Let me be your Keys. That's all I want."

And with his arms still wrapped around me he reached over toward the piano, and I laid my head against his chest. His fingers began to move and he made beautiful music, and for the first time in days, I smiled. For the first time in days, it was alright.

* * *

A/N: So, what did you think? Personally, I love the end of this chapter. I think it was really needed, and I know a lot of you may not like it. :) It's something that I felt needed to happen, so trust me, alright? Also, someone had mentioned that the angst in the latest chapters are "not realistic and there for the sake of the angst", and I have to say I disagree. Think back to YGL! and the way the characters acted...I didn't change the story in anyway. Edward was always the way he was (maybe a little less extreme, but he also didn't have Carlisle's influence then, and you know some of the reasons why from last chapter). There were plenty of things that Edward did during You Got Love! that made him the same as now -- kissing that girl in the hallway while he was courting Bella, going out with Rosalie even though he couldn't stand her... plenty of things, guys.

Also, as for the Alice/Jasper drama, think about it. Did you expect them to be perfect? No, it doesn't justify what Jasper is doing (which, btw, guys, you don't know the whole story, but I'd love to hear thoughts), but it's something. Teenage couples hardly ever make it out, and it's even less when there's a baby involved. Yes, they should have used protection. But they didn't, and now they've got to deal. Haha, but keep the criticism coming. Tell me what you think. I always love to hear it, trust me.

Anyway, as for the beta situation, I have finally found one! :) As for this chapter, it was edited by my friend because I had absolutely no time to get on and send this to anyone but I needed it done. It was pre-written, so thank her if there's not any grammatical mistakes. If there are, blame me for biting off more than I can chew. :P Things are getting less crazy and I'm sorting things out, so expect more updates, guys! (For all my stories, not just this one.)

Anddd...I think that's about it, or all I have the time to write for you. Review, review, review! I always have time to check them (even if I don't have time to reply, unfortunately), and they never fail to make me smile. You guys are the best!

Always,

Nicky :)


	11. AN: ON HOLD

Guys, I really didn't want to do this, especially because it's happened a thousand times with this story in particular, but I'm finally going to do it and just admit it you. This story is officially on hold.

I honestly wanted to wait a little and see where I could take it and how I could get there, but this story has given me an incredible amount of writer's block, as I'm sure you can tell. The direction I wanted to go with it is very vague and hardly enough to go on, and like I said before, YGL! was not planned at all. I think I jumped right into a sequel without really thinking about it, or maybe that's why it seems so terrible when I read it back. :P Either way, I really need to just sort through it. I PROMISE that I will finish this story guys, but I am telling you that I plan to finish some of my other stories before I do. I'm really sorry about, and I do feel terrible.

To all my fans, you are amazing, and you're the ones that have gotten me this far. Thank you so much for being there and giving me the criticism and support I needed! I promise this is not the end for Unread Messages, just a little bump in the road.

And, hey, go check out one of my other stories, which I will be focusing on as soon as I can.

Maybe you'll like it. :P (Yes, that was a plug. So sue me.)

As always, loving and apologetic,

Nicky


	12. A Note to My Readers

Dear Readers,

I feel terrible. I know I've promised over and over that I'll get back on a schedule with my writing, and I've always managed to break those promises. Here's the thing, though, and I hope you'll be able to understand:

I've been incredibly busy lately, with both good and bad things. First off, there's my own life. I'm just getting everything together after a move, so that gives me little time to sit down and write anymore without having to jump on and onto the next thing, and I'm sure you all understand the feeling. I'm just all over the place!

Now, besides that, my sister just experienced the death of her husband. It's a horrible thing to think about and he was also a good friend of mine, so we're all grieving. I've been doing what I can to help her get her life back on track as well, and I just haven't been able to find my muse. Even before this I've been having writer's block, and I'm sure you all know by now. I've just been in a bad state lately, and trying to pull myself together. You can imagine how this affected my writing, since I'm sure anyone who writes has probably experienced something like this. At least with me, my mood is always a factor.

So, where does this leave us? At first, I planned to try and see if I could take a break from writing, at least on this site. I didn't really want to go into it when there was so much that I was dealing with on my own. The thing is, though, I have been reading all of your reviews, and every single one of your messages. I haven't had the time to respond, but like always, I love hearing your thoughts!

Thank you so much for your support and your kind words. (:

Thanks to you, I've not only been nominated for several categories on several award sites (which surprised me more than you know), I've also actually won an award, and that's something amazing in itself. The fact that I have people who would vote for my writing here and seem to like it enough truly is something.

Now, when I say I'm going to get back to writing, I'm not promising anything. I'm not going to push myself into a schedule and back myself into a corner, because, to be honest, I don't think I can manage it. I do want to finish the stories I have started to tell, though, and I do have plenty more ideas. I've been experimenting with a lot of different things, and I'd love to share them with you.

Now, what can you expect? I've started plenty, and I haven't been doing much finishing. I promise, eventually, Crumbling Walls, Unread Messages and Between the Lines will get finished. However, things have been changing in my life, and with those experiences, what I want to write has been changing to. I will probably post new ideas, maybe a few one-shots, see where it goes. I hope to see you there!

Thank you so much, and I'm sorry for the rambling author's notes. I'd just like you to know that I do appreciate your reviews and your messages, and I'd love for you to keep them up!

Nicky


	13. Chapter Ten

Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, and therefore I own nothing. Sadly.

A/N: Well, here it is. It's been a long time coming, but finally, here is the tenth chapter of Unread Messages! And this time, no, it's not a fake out. :)

I just want to take the time to thank all of you for being so understanding and kind. I read all of your reviews and all of your messages, and believe it or not, they did help me a great deal, both to fight my way through writer's block and to get through everything real life has thrown at me. I can't promise weekly updates, but I can promise that there will be plenty of updating from now on. Like I said, this story, as well as the other stories I've started, will all get finished within due time, and I'm sorry I've made you wait as long as it is. Thank you so much, though, for your kind words and your prayers, because you guys are, first and foremost, the reason I continue to write on this site, and my inspiration. I really didn't want to leave you guys with an unfinished story, and I don't intend on doing it, so please, don't worry.

Anyway, I don't want to stall you anymore than I already have, so I won't say anything else. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

I don't really remember how much time I spent on the piano bench with Edward, rocking back and forth and listening to the music he made, I just know that I didn't want to think about anything else while I was. The minutes seemed to turn into hours, and neither of us seemed to have a sense of time and place. I knew in my heart that this didn't change anything, and it honestly never could have. It didn't change the fact that he'd hurt me, that he'd done something horribly wrong while he was away, that he'd betrayed me, that he'd changed. It didn't change the fact that I knew I still needed time, that we needed to talk -- talk as Edward and Bella, face to face and in person -- and that I still haven't found it in myself to forgive him. In those short few hours, though, I think we both found it didn't matter.

We were both broken, both in our own ways. Maybe that was what brought us together now, in the same room, in each other's arms. Even though I was the one coming to him for comfort, just a look at his face and I knew that we were comforting each other, at least for the moment. He was no superhero, and time and experience had shown that he was very far from the perfect image I had created for him in high school. He wasn't to be put on a pedestal, because none of us could be anymore, him especially. He had made his set of mistakes, as had I. All of us were broken, lost, confused, hurt, shuffled up and thrashed under the hardship, but maybe Edward was the worst off after all. While he seemed to be the most put together, one look up at his eyes and I knew he was falling apart just as much as I was. He could hide it behind a façade all he wanted, but I knew better. Maybe that was the problem.

I didn't know how to fix him, though. I couldn't find it in myself to ask him of anything, and though we'd talked online, it had always been about me, or about Alice. Alice needed both of us, and though I knew she was angry at Edward in her own way, she had asked for both of equally. She needed all the help she could get, and by the conversation I had overhead, maybe she wasn't getting enough of it from the people she needed most. It didn't make sense, all that was happening. It didn't make sense how all of us, too many of us, had suddenly become lost in one place, shoved together. Maybe Jasper was trying to escape. It only made sense. Sometimes, when I was alone in bed with no one to judge me but myself, I had some of the same thoughts, the same doubts.

It didn't make it right, though. It didn't make it right to even try, let alone think about it. While we were all lost and broken in our ways, maybe I was finally learning that this was the time we needed to come together for each other. It wouldn't be long before Alice's baby was delivered, and then what? Would the baby have a father, as well as a mother? Would Alice even keep the baby? I didn't even know if she'd considered adoption, but at the moment, it seemed like the best option. Maybe it would be better, both for the baby and for her. The baby would have a family, a family who could love and support it, and Alice would be able to move on from the experience, to heal. At the same time, it just didn't seem like Alice.

The music from the piano was soft and downbeat, setting the mood in the quiet piano room. Edward and I didn't talk for those hours. I sat on his lap like I always used to and he rocked me back and forth like a small child. I knew part of me should be bothered by this, but I couldn't bring it in myself to care. I had grown and matured, but it didn't mean I wasn't weak sometimes. While Edward was no superhero, neither was I. That was something I was quickly coming to realize. Maybe I didn't always have to be the strong one. "It's getting late, Bella." His voice was solemn, and I knew the undertone as soon as I heard it. He didn't want this to be over anymore than I did, because we both were unsure. We didn't know where this would lead, or if this meant anything at all. When I looked up at him I saw his face expressionless, but this time, I could see through it. He looked like he was about to fall apart, just as I felt. This time, though, I needed to be the strong one. I wasn't ready, and somehow I had the feeling he understood.

"I should go." My voice was firm, even though inside part of me just wanted to stay here, to fall asleep in his arms. That would be the easy thing to do. Walking away from the comfort and the normality we used to have was difficult, but sometimes, as I'd learned over the course of my time with the Cullens, the easiest thing to do wasn't always right. He nodded his head, and with a final note, the piano music stopped, leaving silence. I sat there on the piano bench next to him for a minute or so, and then I rose to my feet. I knew I needed to say something, but what did I say to the boy -- the man -- who had hurt me more than anyone else? What did I tell the person who had changed and morphed so many times right in front of me, had left me so unsure? I knew how I felt inside, but coming to terms with it was different. Part of me felt like I shouldn't feel like this at all, but it was still there. "I'm not ready," I reminded him quietly, shaking my head. His green eyes watched me, silent. "I'm not ready to forgive you yet, Edward. You hurt me." My voice didn't shake, and inside, I was just a little proud of myself.

"I know you're not." His voice was soft, gentle, and I almost didn't like it. I wanted him to be angry with me. I wanted him to yell a bit, to be the person he had been when he had first shown up at my doorstep after he had come back from Europe . When he was accepting and understanding, it was almost like I couldn't do it at all. His eyes, though, they held a kind of pain that hurt me just to see it. Part of me wanted to break down, but I knew I couldn't. "Take your time, I'll be waiting. Bella, what I did was terrible, but you need to understand.." His voice trailed off.

"Understand what?" I pressed after a minute or so of silence.

"Understand that I did what I did and I can't take it back. I still kissed that girl at the party, even if it didn't mean anything. I still acted like … How did you phrase it?"

I didn't need to think about that one. "An impersonal asshole." I let the rest of the words sink in, letting him continue.

There was a small smile on his lips, but it was faded, barely there. It was more than likely forced. "Right. An impersonal asshole. And I don't have an excuse for that, either. I'm not going to make something up for you, but I'm not sure I can ever be… I'm not sure if I can ever be the man that you deserve --"

"That's bullshit, Edward."

He looked taken aback, and I couldn't believe that, even after all this time, he still didn't get it. I rolled my eyes, a disgusted noise coming from my throat despite myself. How could, even after this evening, he still not get it? I'd tried so hard to convey the message to him, but it'd never seemed to sink in.

"Edward, you were more than enough for me. You've always been enough for me, even when you were only the person I talked to everyday online. You've been my best friend, my confidant, and the person I loved for longer than either of us realize. I don't know how you don't see it." He opened his mouth, but I shook my head, silencing him. "I don't want anymore of this crap, okay? I told you, I'm not ready for it. You need to figure it out. You need to decide before we can even begin to have this talk. You need to figure out who you are and you need to accept it before we can get anywhere. I'm not just going to forgive you. You need your time, too."

"Bella, I've changed so many times I can't even begin to know who I am anymore." I opened my mouth, but this time it was his turn to shake his head, standing to his feet. He looked more broken than I'd ever seen him, in that one single instant. "But I'll try for you. If that's what it takes, I'll try. I've made mistakes, but God, you were never one of them. You were the one thing I did right." He paused, letting out a soft sigh. "I love you. I've always loved you. I think I will _always _love you."

I wanted so badly to be able to return those three words, but this time, they just didn't come.

"Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you kissed your dad's secretary."

"Bella, I can't take it back --"

"But you can make up for it. You can figure it out, and come back to me when you have the answers." This time it was my turn to force a smile, turning away from him and walking toward the door. With my hand on the knob, I gave him one last glance. "I'll be here, Edward. I've always been here." And that was more of the truth than even I was ready to admit. Whether he understood the significance of it even I didn't know.

* * *

The walk down the stairs seemed longer than usual, but all I wanted to do was get out. I'd given Edward something to think about, but now more than ever, I knew I had to do the same. I had to figure it all out, just as Edward did. We all did, now. We had gotten ourselves involved in this mess one way or another, and now it was on us to make it work, and to solve it. Little by little, this was starting to seem less like a mass catastrophe, a string of unrelated tragedies. There was a purpose in all of this, I knew it. Even if there wasn't, I knew I still had to look for it. I still had to try.

I had grabbed my bag and intended to head out the door and out to my truck, but as soon as I walked out onto the porch, I knew I would be staying longer. Alice was sitting on the very first step by the door, a fleece blanket wrapped around her once small figure, now engorged by the baby growing in her stomach. She was crying. I couldn't see her face, but I heard her sobs, and without thinking I was rushing to her, sitting next to her. We hadn't talked -- really talked -- in such a long time, but it didn't stop that immediate reaction.

"Bella. Bella, oh God…" She sounded so embarrassed, like I'd just caught her doing something terrible, and immediately she hid her tear-stained face from me. My stomach lurched, and I almost couldn't take it. "I'm sorry. You weren't supposed to see this…"

But for some reason, I felt like I had already seen worse. Thinking about how she'd acted lately only proved this. The blank stares, the one word answers, the hollow smiles. She wasn't Alice anymore, and at least if she was crying she was getting out the emotion I once had seen so much of. It was horrible to think it was a good thing my best friend was crying, but the only thing I could do was put my arms around her, wishing I had the words to comfort her. Lately, though, I wasn't so sure I was in the right mind to comfort anyone.

"Alice, it's okay," I assured her, knowing I needed to. Even though I was hurting just as much, it didn't mean I wanted her to. I wanted Alice back, my bubbly best friend, but right now I wasn't even sure if it was possible. "It's all okay. We're going to get through this…"

Alice wrapped her blanket around me, pulling me tighter, and I felt closer to her than I had in weeks. She shook her head, wiping her tears before she turned to look at me again, barely suppressing the sobs I knew she was holding back. "No. No, it's not okay. And I hate how everyone says that…" I didn't know what to say, but she quickly continued. "We. Like, like we're all in this together or something… We're not. It's not all of us, Bella, it's all me. I'm the one who's got a baby growing in her. Do you know I fucked everything up? This is our senior year, Bella. We're supposed to be going off to college after this. We're supposed to be going to the mall like normal kids, going to prom, hanging out on the weekends and going on dates with our boyfriends. What the hell happened to us? I mean, even Edward… You guys would've been fine if all of this didn't happen, you were so close…" She trailed off, looking away again. I heard the sob she let escape then, and I just couldn't handle it. Why the hell did she blame herself?

"Alice." My voice was firm. It was shaky, and I didn't have the conviction I had upstairs with Edward, but nonetheless, I tried to get her attention. "Look. What you did was a stupid thing to do, no one is denying that. You should've used protection, and you guys should've talked instead of running away and having sex, but I'm sure you've heard it from everyone else." Alice let out a bitter kind of chuckle, and I hated hearing it. It just wasn't her. "But it's over now. We can't do anything about it. And Alice, we _are _in this together. All of us. We're here for you, no matter what you choose to do. You need to stay strong, Al. You need to…"

"What about you and Edward? Don't you think I screwed that up, too? What if I hadn't gotten pregnant? Would Jasper even care about me, then? Bells, everything is screwed, I can't believe --"

"Edward and I would be in this situation whether you got pregnant or not." I hated admitting that, I really did. My voice cracked a little, but I forced myself to pull it back together. "He… He has all these things in his head. I don't know how they got there, but they were there before you got pregnant, Alice. I don't know about me and Edward, but it doesn't have anything to do with you. You're not the reason we're fighting, okay? Don't blame yourself."

There was a smile on her lips for just a moment, and she laid her head against my shoulder. "Thanks, Bella." She paused for a moment, and I almost didn't know what she was referring to. "For everything. You've always been a real friend."

There was silence for a while, and then Alice shifted, letting out a little gasp. I bit my lip, a little scared. She was getting so big. The baby wouldn't wait very long now, and little by little we were getting closer and closer to the due date. "It's kicking, Bella. The baby is kicking," she told me, taking one of my hands and placing it on her stomach. I was uncomfortable for a second or two, but she held my hand there, and I felt it. There was life inside of her. For so long I had been thinking of this baby as a curse -- a misfortune -- and for just a moment, when I looked up and saw that little flicker of life in Alice's eyes, as well as felt it, I had a feeling we were thinking wrong. And maybe, just maybe, we could get through this.

"I can't give the baby away. I know I should, but I can't." Her voice was breaking when she spoke again, and I didn't know how to respond. All I could do was hug her, trying not to hurt her or the baby, and listen to her as she broke into sobs. And after a while, I was crying too, though I wasn't sure why. I was crying for the baby. I was crying for Alice. I was crying for Jasper, who just couldn't seem to make up his mind. I was crying for Edward and our rocky, barely existent relationship, torn apart at the seams. I was crying for Carlisle and Esme, who had never been there to see how amazing their own kids were, to coax them and guide them like they both needed. I was crying for Victoria and James, whose wayward parents didn't seem to care. I was crying for Jacob back with Leah, for their new baby, for the relationship I knew would be a struggle. I was crying for all of us, the whole mess of us who had somehow gotten involved, all tied together. And in weeks, I just hadn't felt this good.

"Um… I…"

My head snapped up at the sound of the voice, and I almost didn't believe it. Standing on the Cullen's front porch was Rosalie Hale, her golden hair glowing in the moonlight.

"Do you have a minute? I'd really..." She took a breath, biting on a full lip. "I'd really like to talk, if that's okay."

* * *

A/N: Ah. So, what did you think?

As always, I love your reviews and your feedback, and now is no different. I plan to get another chapter out within the week. I've been having very little free time, lately, but I have most of it written, so you can definitely count on it. I do think a lot of important subjects were touched on in this chapter, though, and the one to follow only digs deeper into them.

And, of course, the end was a bit of a cliff hanger, I suppose. Some of you were wondering when Rosalie was really going to get involved, and here is your answer. Emmett is about to play a much bigger role as well, though with Rosalie I guess you'll just have to find out, huh? :)

Please send me your thoughts! You know I love to hear them.

- Nicky


End file.
